“What letter is this?” I ask my newly turned 5-year-old, Max. He scrunches his nose in concentration.
“E,” he replies with confidence before returning to his toys.
“No, buddy, that’s a Z,” I gently correct. “It’s the last letter of the alphabet.” You’d think that would be a big deal.
“Alright, Mom,” he shrugs.
Meanwhile, I sit down with my 6-year-old, Jake, as we dive into a chapter of Alice in Wonderland. I read a paragraph, he reads another. He stumbles on a few words but does pretty well with the sounds, often making mistakes with words he already knows. We’ve already powered through Peter Pan. I truly value offering my kids quality literature and spend considerable time selecting books that cater to Jake’s reading level and interest.
Then there’s Max. Jake had mastered his letters by the age of three, thanks to his fascination with educational apps. Max, on the other hand, seems to have more pressing matters to attend to. I’ve tried every trick in the book to teach him his letters. We’ve used letter stamps, drawn pictures, and attempted various programs like Getting Ready for the Code and Hooked on Phonics, pairing them with creative crafts every single day. We made creatures out of pipe cleaners and googly eyes, traced letters with buttons, and crafted giant octopuses sporting hats (to represent the letter O). We’ve read every alphabet book I could get my hands on.
Yet, nothing seemed to stick. Each day, he would forget the lesson from the day before. While Jake zoomed through Frog and Toad toward chapter books, my youngest couldn’t identify the letter A, let alone recognize its sound or spell his own name.
After countless craft sessions, videos, and songs, I finally took a deep breath and accepted the situation. Kids grow at different rates, and my sons are prime examples of this variance. Jake is an anomaly, just as much as Max is. It wasn’t long ago that many children entered kindergarten without knowing their letters; I recall singing catchy songs about “Mr. M with the munching mouth” to help them learn. In fact, in Finland, children don’t start learning to read until they are 7 years old, yet they rank sixth in the world for reading, according to the latest PISA report from 2012. It reassures me that Max is developing right within the global average for his age.
Historically, the expectation has shifted — it was once common for kids to arrive at kindergarten without the ability to read. Preschool now often focuses on academic readiness rather than play. This is exactly why we chose to homeschool; early childhood should be about exploration and creativity, not sitting at a desk. Max didn’t attend preschool. Instead, he spent his days constructing forts with his brothers, engaging in imaginative play, and enjoying storytime. If Finland’s model teaches us anything, it’s that this type of play is crucial for his development.
When I start to feel anxious, I think of a friend who practiced radical unschooling. He didn’t read until he was 10, eventually teaching himself with the works of Charles Dickens. He went on to pursue higher education and is now thriving in his dream career.
The good news is that Max is making progress. We’ve finally discovered a reading program he enjoys and can stick with — and it appears to be effective. He’s learned the first five letters of the alphabet and can consistently identify them, along with their sounds. If he keeps this up, he should know all the letters in about two months. After that, the program will introduce more complex sounds. It’s likely that I won’t be able to start a structured reading program with him — stringing sounds into words — until he turns 6.
He may be the last reader in our homeschool group, but I have confidence he’ll eventually catch up. Research shows that late readers often perform just as well as their early-reading peers in the long run. I do feel some family pressure for him to learn more, and I get the occasional surprised look when I mention that he doesn’t know his letters yet. But honestly, he seems perfectly content. Sometimes, it’s just me who needs to take that deep breath.
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In summary, every child learns at their own pace, and it’s essential to embrace that journey without undue pressure. Max may not know his letters yet, but with time, patience, and the right support, he will master them in his own time.
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