As a parent, I’ve found myself uttering things I never thought I would. Phrases like, “Stop using your brother as a trampoline,” or “Please don’t put your toys in the toilet!” frequently escape my lips. Yet, there’s one phrase you will never hear from me: “Suck it up.”
Today’s society has made strides in empowering daughters to break free from traditional roles, urging them to pursue their passions without the confines of outdated gender expectations. Girls are encouraged to be strong, assertive, and bold, a stark contrast to the pressures boys face. While young women are applauded for exhibiting traits that defy gender norms, boys are often shackled by the societal expectation to be tough, dominant, and stoic. When they show any emotion that could be labeled as “feminine,” they are quickly dismissed or ridiculed, fostering an unhealthy mindset that equates vulnerability with weakness.
As a mother of four boys, I’ve learned that they are inherently kind, compassionate beings. They come into this world equipped with a full spectrum of emotions—just like anyone else. Yet, the constant messaging that they should suppress their feelings creates a dangerous environment where emotions can fester into frustration or resentment. When my sons are on the brink of expressing sadness or disappointment, I refuse to diminish their feelings with phrases like “man up” or “don’t be a baby.”
Women, like myself, have historically been granted the freedom to express our emotions openly. I can’t count the number of times I’ve cried over a touching story or a heart-wrenching image on screen without judgment. Yet, the same emotional display from a man often draws criticism. It’s a double standard that hurts our boys, robbing them of the chance to cultivate emotional intelligence and empathetic connections with others.
By teaching boys to bury their feelings, we’re hindering their ability to fully engage with the world around them. How can they relate to others if they’re not in touch with their own emotions? This pressure to maintain a stoic facade only serves to limit their personal growth and professional development.
One of the most important gifts I can offer my sons is the permission to express themselves freely. I will always encourage them to embrace their feelings, whether it’s sadness, anger, or joy. I remember a time when my youngest son wore his favorite sparkly My Little Pony Crocs to the park, only to be questioned by another child about their gender appropriateness. He looked to me, anxious and unsure, and I assured him that shoes don’t have a gender. They are simply shoes, and if he loves them, that’s what matters.
This is why I will never tell my sons to “suck it up.” As long as society continues to label sensitivity, compassion, and empathy as “girly,” we’re doing a disservice not only to our sons but also to our daughters. Emotions are universal, and everyone, regardless of gender, should have the freedom to express them openly.
Boys can be warm, loving, and emotionally aware individuals, but only if we allow them to be. It’s time to redefine what it means to be a man and embrace the full array of human emotions.
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In summary, raising emotionally healthy boys means allowing them to express their feelings without fear of judgment. Let’s work together to create a society where sensitivity is recognized as a strength, and emotional expression is embraced, regardless of gender.
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