I hear a soft thud followed by a burst of laughter, then another crash and the unmistakable sounds of little bodies rolling around. “Get off me! Get off me!” yells my six-year-old, while the four-year-old erupts into giggles. Another thump echoes through the house.
Yes, the kids are at it again, and I’m perfectly okay with it.
I have three boys, and my husband is the kind of dad who thrives on roughhousing—swinging them upside down, encouraging them to pile on his back like a living alligator stack, and engaging in epic tickle battles. He’s the one who gets down on the floor, inviting them to wrestle; meanwhile, I’m more of the gentle hugger type. I’m often found with the almost three-year-old clinging to me while the others vie for a spot on my lap. We’re a family that loves physical affection, whether it’s holding hands in Target or snuggling on the couch.
Because my husband promotes this spirited play, the kids naturally roughhouse with one another. A simple game of hiding under blankets often escalates into playful punches and rolling on the floor. They might even cuddle together in their sleep, like little kittens. While one occasionally lets out a yelp, they’ve learned to respect each other’s boundaries. They avoid hitting faces and know not to cross certain lines.
I allow this roughhousing because I believe it’s beneficial for them. Research supports this notion: touch releases oxytocin, a hormone that fosters social interaction. According to Psych Central, oxytocin enhances trust, alleviates fear, and nurtures empathy, which is crucial for their emotional development. In their book, The Art of Roughhousing and Why Kids Need It, authors Anthony T. DeBenedet, M.D., and Lawrence J. Cohen present compelling arguments about the cognitive and moral benefits of rough play. They assert that it helps children become more intelligent, attuned to others’ emotions, and develops their ethical compass—all solid reasons to let kids engage in roughhousing.
My children instinctively know which friends are up for a wrestling match and which ones prefer to keep their distance. They have a family friend whose kids have likely never engaged in any sort of physical play, and my boys are aware of that. They won’t initiate roughhousing with those kids. But when my eldest son plays with a buddy who enjoys the same rough-and-tumble antics, it’s all systems go. I recall one time when his friend’s mother mistook their playful wrestling for something sinister, thinking they were drowning him. It was simply kids being kids, having fun while wearing life jackets and keeping their heads above water.
In today’s world, this approach to parenting is often frowned upon. The trend of helicopter parenting has heightened concerns about potential injuries, making it easy for onlookers to view two kids rolling and kicking each other as dangerous. Parents often perceive every bruise or scrape as a result of poor supervision, leading to the notion that letting kids roughhouse is a sign of irresponsible parenting. Instead of embracing the messiness of play, many parents preach the mantra of “keep your hands to yourself.”
I often receive disapproving glances at the playground when my kids engage in wrestling or stick battles. But what those judgmental parents don’t realize is that my kids don’t wrestle out of anger. If they start to squabble over a toy in the sandbox or hit because they’re upset, I step in. That’s not the kind of roughhousing we condone. We only allow play when both parties are on board. Anything else is simply fighting—something we don’t tolerate.
So, as long as both kids are consenting, I’m all for it. Let the roughhousing continue, and let the helicopter parents shake their heads. My children will wrestle, tumble, and engage in all sorts of playful brawling, and I see no reason to put a stop to it.
If you’re interested in learning more about the importance of physical play, check out this insightful article on the benefits of roughhousing here. And if you’re considering at-home insemination, you might find the products from Make a Mom helpful. For further resources on pregnancy and home insemination, WebMD offers excellent information.
Summary
Roughhousing among children can be a positive experience that fosters emotional and social development. While some parents may disapprove of active play, research shows that it helps children learn empathy, trust, and cooperation. As long as roughhousing is consensual and playful, it is a valuable aspect of childhood that shouldn’t be stifled.
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