I’m a total rules enthusiast. The structure and clarity that rules bring to the sometimes chaotic world of parenting are invaluable. Crafting and adhering to guidelines that reflect my parenting philosophy, values, and basic common sense has been my lifeline through motherhood. Knowing what to expect—when to act and how long to stick to a plan—helps me maintain my sanity.
When things get overwhelming, I turn to the rules. Is the baby crying uncontrollably? Time to nurse, burp, swaddle, and sway—repeat as necessary. Is my preschooler resisting bedtime? I explain what being tired means and allow her to stay up with her books until she can’t handle it anymore. Is my fifth-grader neglecting homework? Screen time is off the table until it’s done. Had a rough night with nightmares? Wake up your partner; it’s their turn. Rules are what keep my world balanced, so don’t mess with them!
But let’s be real: it’s not that simple. I have three daughters aged 5, 11, and 14. The varying ages result in differing rules for each child, and there’s always someone testing the boundaries. One daughter may need reminders about limiting screen time, while another requires gentle nudges to communicate respectfully. My youngest? She needs guidance on everything—“No, you can’t use permanent marker on the wall, and yes, bath time is non-negotiable tonight since you skipped it last time.” I firmly believe that setting boundaries is essential for teaching kids how to look after themselves and to be safe, kind, honest, and respectful.
My daughters understand the expectations, and they accept the consequences when they don’t meet them. More importantly, I know what’s expected of me. My kids look to me for consistency in my values and requests. They count on me to clarify what’s right or wrong, safe or unsafe, kind or unkind. However, I wish I could report that my children follow the rules with joy and enthusiasm, but that would be a stretch (no fibbing; that’s a rule).
I don’t create arbitrary rules just to torment my kids or those that lack logic, but they still find ways to break them. When that happens, I feel a bit off-kilter. I start to question my parenting choices and wonder if I’m being too strict. This is especially true with my teenager, who seems intent on testing every limit I’ve set. The guidelines that worked well for years—crafted with love to keep her safe, instill good values, and make our lives easier—are suddenly up for debate. Now, she challenges my reasoning, pushes limits, and stands her ground.
Why must she go to bed at 10 p.m. when she’s not even tired and has homework left to do? While her request isn’t unreasonable, does it justify changing the rules or ignoring them altogether? If she disregards them, should I impose consequences, or is her inevitable fatigue punishment enough? Ultimately, it’s evident that what matters most to her is being heard. I have to commend her determination to express herself, even if it disrupts my comfort zone. I don’t want her to adhere to the rules simply because they exist; I want her to embrace them because they align with her values and the good person she’s becoming.
Could it be that the rules need some adjustment? The mere thought makes me uncomfortable. I’m not ready to relinquish or renegotiate the guidelines that have guided my motherhood journey for so long. If the rules change, it means I’ll have to let go of some of my control, which signals that my daughter is maturing and becoming independent. As bittersweet as it is, I understand that she will eventually create her own set of principles to live by.
In the meantime, there are still plenty of rules that this rule-loving mom is eager to enforce: no cleats on the wood floors, no R-rated movies, no boys in her room, don’t touch my desk, and yes, we will always kiss goodnight, no exceptions. Why? Because I love you…and because rules matter.
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In summary, while I’m passionate about rules for my children’s growth and safety, I am also learning that flexibility and open communication are vital as they navigate their path to becoming independent individuals.
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