When I had my first child, I was all in. I was there for every single school play, soccer match, and piano recital. I didn’t miss a single moment. I would rearrange my schedule, sacrifice my own needs, and juggle everything just to be present. Why? Because society’s narrative convinced me that being there for every single event was a requirement of good parenting. After all, what kind of mother wouldn’t attend every activity? Showers? Sleep? Those were secondary to being a constant cheerleader for my child.
But then reality hit when I had three more kids. Suddenly, being at every event was not just challenging; it was virtually impossible. And you know what? The world didn’t come crashing down. My kids continued to excel in their sports and activities, even when I wasn’t in the stands.
Did I feel guilty? Absolutely. For years, I carried that weight, believing I was somehow failing as a parent for not being the ever-present audience. But here’s the truth: you’re not failing if you can’t attend every single event. Life is unpredictable—work commitments, family obligations, and personal health can all interfere. It’s important to recognize that being a martyr for your children is not a badge of honor. Your kids don’t need a drained, resentful parent who is frantically trying to do it all.
I’ve missed countless events, and you know what? I stopped feeling guilty about it. I’ve made it clear to my kids that my absence isn’t about a lack of desire to be there; it’s simply a fact of life. With a bustling family, various commitments, and kids involved in different activities, it’s inevitable that I will miss some things. And kids understand this better than we give them credit for.
So, who can help when you can’t be there for everything? That’s where your community comes into play. The idea that “it takes a village” is great in theory, but it requires active participation. When I realized I needed support, I reached out to fellow parents. It was as simple as saying, “I can’t make it to the soccer game today. Could you take my son?” More often than not, they were happy to help. People generally want to lend a hand; you just have to ask. And then, reciprocate. Offer to take their child next time, cheer them on, and even bring snacks or treats afterwards. It fosters a spirit of community that benefits everyone.
Every parent has moments where they need a break, and if that coincides with a kid’s event, it’s not the time to judge or shame them. Instead, it’s an opportunity for you to step up and fill in. Because believe me, one day, you’ll find yourself needing that same support.
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In summary, you don’t have to be present for every moment in your child’s life. Embrace the fact that life happens, and prioritize your own well-being. Lean on your community, and remember that parenting isn’t about perfection; it’s about balance.
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