Life & Relationships
By Jamie Reynolds
Updated: Aug. 13, 2020
Originally Published: Oct. 11, 2016
My partner and I found ourselves soaking in the last moments of our honeymoon, sharing a sweet kiss in the parking lot of a charming bakery in Quebec City. We chose to explore Canada, eager to savor the autumn scenery instead of retreating to a warmer climate. Being there with him felt just as magical as I had envisioned—absolutely perfect. Our hearts brimmed with excitement for the future, and we were blissfully aligned in our desires. I still felt a thrill from my new identity as Mrs. Reynolds, often referring to him as “my husband” instead of his name.
As we embraced, an elegantly dressed woman strolled by, her lovely gray hair styled neatly into a bun and red lipstick accentuating her features. She looked stunning in her jeans, far more than anyone I had ever seen. She was with a man, their fingers intertwined, and while he spoke to her, her eyes were firmly fixed on me. I felt a wave of warmth wash over me, yet something compelled me to look away. I tried to refocus on my husband, but her gaze lingered, almost as if she were reaching out to me.
The next morning, I woke before dawn and quietly left my husband to revisit the bakery, planning to surprise him with croissants and crepes. To my surprise, I found the same woman sitting alone outside, her hair and lip color unchanged. She now wore glasses and was engrossed in writing a letter. As I approached, she looked up and greeted me with a gentle smile that lacked the intensity of our previous encounter.
“It was you I saw last night, sharing a kiss right here,” she said.
“Yes, I’m on my honeymoon,” I replied.
“Ah, the honeymoon phase. Please, sit,” she invited, pulling out a chair for me.
“I’ve been married for 32 years. There’s only one honeymoon. Once that’s over and you begin to navigate life together, you’ll discover the true fabric of your relationship.”
While I had heard such advice before and knew couples facing challenges, I was certain it wouldn’t apply to us. Our love was strong—how could we ever drift apart?
“Your marriage will feel heavy,” she continued.
“No, it won’t. He is everything to me. We adore each other,” I thought defiantly.
Yet, I found myself seated next to her, listening despite my reluctance. I longed to return to my cozy bed with the man who had vowed to love me eternally. I could have walked away, but something made me want to stay and hear more.
Years later, I finally grasp the wisdom she shared. There will be days when you might not want to communicate, moments when he’ll do something minor that ignites unexpected anger—not because of the act itself, but due to the repetition. You’ll both have days when you fall short of being your best selves.
You may find yourselves clashing over parenting methods, finances, intimacy, and even mundane chores like taking out the trash. At times, you’ll recognize that you’re causing harm to each other, yet you’ll still proceed down that path. You’ll learn how to genuinely hurt one another, and there will be days when you hope he has the emotional strength to support you after both of you have endured exhausting days.
Sometimes he will rise to the occasion, and other times he won’t, simply because it wouldn’t be fair to him. It can feel like an unending tug-of-war, with both of you yearning for a reprieve.
You’ll miss the carefree days of your romance—both of you will—and discussing these feelings will be challenging. Your marriage will have its highs and lows, and during the low times, you may question whether this is how it’s meant to be. You might even wonder if it’s the beginning of the end.
But if you persevere, like my husband and I have, and learn to shoulder the burdens together—if you still enjoy each other after battling for your relationship, your needs, and your family—then you possess a true marriage.
I may not recall every detail of our conversation, but I will always remember that insightful woman from Quebec City. The impact of our discussion has resonated with me throughout my marriage. Perhaps it was fate that brought us together for those brief moments.
While I’m no marriage expert, I’ve been in one for 14 years, and I can share that when the weight of marriage feels heavy, it’s essential to lift each other up. Just like everything else in life, we’re all navigating our relationships the best we can, especially during those heavier moments.
If you found this reflection valuable, consider checking out our other blog post on navigating the complexities of relationships here. And for those looking into at-home insemination options, Make a Mom offers reputable syringe kits. For more insights on pregnancy and home insemination, the NHS is a fantastic resource.
Summary
Even the happiest marriages can encounter heavy moments filled with challenges and emotional struggles. It’s essential to understand that love requires effort and resilience. By facing difficulties together, couples can strengthen their bond and navigate the complexities of married life.
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