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Parenting
By Linda Thompson
Oct. 9, 2023
At around three years old, both of my children entered a phase that drove me absolutely bonkers. They decided to refuse meals throughout the day, only to demand food late into the night, which ultimately led me to declare that the kitchen was officially closed. My current three-year-old, whom I affectionately call my little rascal, is right in the thick of it.
Let’s take a look at his recent “meal schedule” (and I use the term “schedule” very loosely):
Breakfast
He wakes me up at the crack of dawn, around 6 a.m., claiming he’s starving and giving me the saddest puppy-dog eyes. I stumble out of bed to feed him and suggest cereal. “No,” he responds flatly. I offer waffles, bagels, eggs, and more, but he insists on goldfish. We eventually settle on pita chips because I have some standards. He eats three.
Lunch
After picking him up from preschool, he declares he’s starving again. At home, he demands a chicken patty “cut up” (no bun, just the patty). As I’m serving it, he suddenly wants it whole and bursts into tears. He asks for corn, which is “broken” (don’t ask). Then he requests a rice cake, but the plate it was on is “too wet.” He sprawls on the floor, proclaiming all food is “yuck,” but eventually eats the eggs I made for myself because “Mommy’s food is the best.”
Dinner
After the chaos of lunch, I decide to play it safe for dinner. I whip up his favorite dishes without seeking his opinion. He manages to eat half a bowl of spaghetti but declares the carrot sticks “slimy,” the hot dog “sticky,” and the cauliflower “mushy.” You can see where this is headed, right? When will this little munchkin actually eat something before bedtime?
I understand that some parents adopt an “eat or starve” philosophy, and I completely empathize with the desire to avoid becoming short-order cooks. However, it’s essential for kids to tune into their hunger cues and eat what they feel comfortable with, even if it’s not during the mealtime we prefer. Teaching them to listen to their bodies can foster healthy eating habits as they grow, which is crucial, especially with rising obesity rates.
That said, if taken too far, kids might end up subsisting on nothing but goldfish, toast, and cookies. Structure and rules around mealtime are definitely necessary, and I support that.
But let’s face it: feeding kids is never going to be a flawless process. They’re kids—fickle, picky, and opinionated. There will be days, even weeks, when their eating habits leave you scratching your head, wondering how they’re not malnourished.
As expected, when my little guy barely eats all day, he’s ravenous come evening, and that’s when he finally gives in to his hunger. I’m not sure what strange magic takes over kids during this phase (and I know it’s not just my child; this is a widespread phenomenon), but sometimes you just have to roll with it. So, as much as I resist, I sometimes allow my son a snack post-dinner. And by snack, I mean a full meal. He’ll ask for nuggets, tortillas, or even celery sticks just before bed at 7 p.m.
I think of it as a phase that will soon pass, so I choose to go along with it.
However, here’s the kicker. Just when I think I’ve finally got him fed, he gets in his pajamas, we brush his teeth, settle in for a bedtime story, and then, at 8 p.m. on the dot, he exclaims he’s “starving to death.” (Where do they pick up these phrases?) This is where I draw the line. I’m starting today.
I made the mistake of being lenient with my first child. Night after night, he would demand food after brushing his teeth and going to bed. I tried to resist but often caved in. It was a frustrating cycle, but he was a skinny, picky eater, and I would do anything to get food in him.
But with my youngest, and all those other kids out there putting their parents in similar situations, here’s the rule:
The kitchen is closed at 8 p.m.
All lights are off. The granola bars are nestled in their wrappers. The cheese sticks are cozy in their packs. The apples are huddled together in the crisper.
No more eating.
We may be kind and understanding parents, but you can’t starve all day and then eat all night. You just can’t. And guess what? If you need to go to sleep a little hungry one night, you’ll survive. We promise. And maybe, just maybe, you’ll eat your breakfast in the morning.
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Summary:
Navigating the picky eating habits of young children can be frustrating for parents. Establishing mealtime rules is essential to ensure kids learn to listen to their hunger cues without turning into short-order cooks. While it’s normal for kids to go through phases of refusing food, setting boundaries, like closing the kitchen at a certain time, can help manage their late-night cravings.
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