In the realm of sex education, opinions often diverge sharply. On one side, there are those who advocate for an abstinence-only approach, believing that discussing contraceptives encourages sexual activity among teens. On the other side, we find individuals who assert that teenagers will engage in sexual activity regardless, so why not provide them with condoms and lubrication in school hallways?
Both extremes risk failing our children. In our family, we choose a different path. As we home-school our children, my partner and I take it upon ourselves to cover all aspects of sexual education. We believe that knowledge is crucial, so we don’t shy away from discussing sex and its implications. When our kids reach the age where they start contemplating sexual activity, we want them to be fully informed about their choices.
I support the idea of abstinence for various reasons, yet I also see the value in imparting essential knowledge regarding sex, pregnancy, and disease prevention. This is fundamental health education—facts that are important regardless of personal beliefs. It bewilders me why some would resort to shame as a tool to discourage sexual activity among teens. While we hope our kids will wait to engage in sex, I refuse to let them feel ashamed about their natural feelings and curiosity. Encouraging them to wait doesn’t mean labeling sex as something evil or suggesting that maintaining virginity is the ultimate goal.
Sex is a profound experience—one of the reasons we want our kids to wait. We want them to enjoy fulfilling and healthy sexual lives, just at the right time in their development. Yet, we must also recognize the temptations they will face. As parents, we should stay grounded in reality, acknowledging that not every teen is rushing into sexual relationships. In fact, I didn’t have sex in high school, nor did my partner or many of our friends. According to the CDC, only 41% of high schoolers reported having sexual intercourse in 2015. This statistic shows that many teens are choosing to wait.
While it’s true that some kids might choose to have sex, it won’t be because “everyone else is doing it”—because they’re not. We will be transparent with our children that even with condoms and other contraceptive methods, there are no guarantees. Sex always carries a risk of pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections. I learned later in life just how often birth control fails; two of our children weren’t exactly planned. We know families with unexpected pregnancies, reminding us that sex, while enjoyable, always entails risk.
At some point, our children might decide to embrace sexual activity, even if it contradicts our beliefs about waiting until marriage. We’ll guide them to understand that true readiness involves being prepared for the possibility of pregnancy and the significant choices that come with it. Moreover, they should only engage with someone they know well enough to discuss their sexual history openly and honestly.
We’ll also address the emotional aspects of sexual relationships. Casual sex can trivialize the deep emotional intimacy that should accompany a healthy sexual relationship. We want to encourage our kids to wait until they are in loving, committed partnerships. Our faith teaches that sex is meant for marriage, but even if they reject this notion, we won’t shame them. We don’t use degrading analogies to describe the loss of virginity, nor do we approach these discussions naively.
As our children grow, we’ll emphasize the importance of taking responsibility for their sexual decisions. They will be educated on pregnancy, contraception, consent, and how to navigate the pressures they may encounter. We’ll reinforce the idea that until they are truly ready for the responsibilities of sex, they should wait. Even when moral beliefs are set aside, abstinence remains the wisest and healthiest choice for teens. There’s no need to rely on shame to convey this message.
For more information on navigating these conversations, check out this insightful post on our blog. Also, if you’re considering at-home insemination, visit a reputable retailer like Make a Mom for quality kits. For additional resources on pregnancy, WomensHealth.gov is an excellent place to start.
Summary
Advocating for abstinence while providing comprehensive sex education is essential. Parents should communicate openly and honestly about sexual health, emphasizing the importance of being informed and responsible without resorting to shame.
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