By: Jessica Thompson
Updated: Dec. 21, 2023
Originally Published: Sep. 12, 2023
I remember the moment vividly. A folded note slid across the floor of the empty library, landing right at my feet. I was lost in a world of fantasy, engrossed in a book, when I decided to pick it up. As I read the cruel words from two girls I thought were my friends, my heart sank. They called me “It” and used harsh language to criticize my clothes, my hair, and my academic success. Tears streamed down my face as I crumpled the note and hid it away in my pocket. I spent the rest of the recess alone in the bathroom, too ashamed and scared to seek help.
This marked the start of a painful chapter filled with bullying, exclusion, and whispered rumors. The girls made sure I was left out, spreading negativity like wildfire. I felt isolated, unsure of what I had done to deserve such treatment, and too frightened to confide in a teacher or my parents. Unfortunately, my only option seemed to be to endure it alone.
Now, fast forward a few decades: my 11-year-old daughter is entering middle school. While both boys and girls can be unkind, I mostly hear about the hurtful behavior among girls. Middle school is a social battleground, where alliances shift and hormones run high, making it a prime time for girls to assert their social influence, oftentimes in hurtful ways. If my daughter encounters mean girls or, heaven forbid, becomes a target, here’s what I want her to understand:
1. Meanness is Never Acceptable.
Regardless of the circumstances, bullying in any form is unacceptable. Even if you think your behavior provoked someone, remember that their actions are not justified. I spent days wondering why those girls targeted me, as if I had somehow earned their hostility. No matter the reason, their cruelty was unwarranted.
2. Have Confidence in Yourself.
Never allow anyone else to define who you are. When those girls insulted me, I began to internalize their harsh words, which shattered my self-esteem. You are extraordinary, flaws and all. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.
3. Seek Support.
Some kids can confront their bullies; others, like my younger self, struggle to do so. If you’ve attempted to handle the situation alone or feel uncomfortable, reach out for help. Whether it’s a teacher, your parents, or another trusted adult, know that you don’t have to navigate this issue alone. There’s always someone ready to listen and lend support.
4. Be an Upstander.
Meanness is wrong, no matter who it’s directed at. If you witness bullying, either step in or seek help. It’s easy to ignore the situation to avoid conflict, but doing so only allows the behavior to continue. When you and your friends stand up to mean girls, you send a powerful message that their behavior won’t be tolerated.
5. Recognize Their Humanity.
While it may not alleviate your hurt, understanding that mean girls have their own struggles can provide perspective. I later learned that one of the girls who bullied me was dealing with family issues that I hadn’t considered. This knowledge didn’t erase my pain but helped me realize that her actions stemmed from her own difficulties.
6. Check Your Own Behavior.
Everyone has tough days, but ensure you’re not taking your frustrations out on others. Being a mean girl is exhausting and unfulfilling. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, talk to me. There are healthier ways to manage those feelings instead of spreading negativity.
Ultimately, my experience ended when a teacher intervened, leading to the girls facing consequences. With that support, I found the courage to speak to my parents and confront my bullies, who eventually apologized. While I forgave them, I chose to move on and find better friends. This experience, although painful, equipped me with valuable lessons for future challenges. The world can be filled with unkind individuals, but fostering self-confidence in my daughter and encouraging her to confront bullies will make it harder for them to thrive.
For more insights on navigating these types of situations, check out this other blog post. If you’re interested in exploring at-home insemination options, visit Make a Mom for reliable kits. For a deeper understanding of the IVF process, this resource is incredibly informative.
Summary:
As my daughter prepares to face the challenges of middle school, it’s crucial she understands the nature of bullying and how to handle it. By instilling confidence, encouraging her to seek help, and empowering her to stand against meanness, I hope to equip her with the tools necessary to navigate social dynamics safely and effectively.
Leave a Reply