No, really. It’s time to change the narrative.
Fathers are fully capable of engaging in real parenting. Yes, if you’re a stay-at-home mom (SAHM), you naturally spend more hours with the kids, which means you might know that one child can’t stand peanut butter and jelly, while another can’t get enough of it. But these details are merely the seasoning of parenting; the core responsibilities are something your partner can handle without your constant guidance.
Your husband can dress the kids, ensure their teeth are brushed, and get them out the door on time. Remember that viral photo of a dad expertly styling his daughter’s hair into a ponytail? It’s remarkable only because someone chose to snap a picture. Dads regularly take on hair duties, from brushing to washing, and they can navigate the entire shampoo-condition-detangle process without breaking a sweat. This might be shocking for some, but it’s true!
He’s also capable of preparing more than just cereal for dinner. Your husband can whip up sandwiches, scrambled eggs, pasta, and even a veggie side dish. He can reheat leftovers you’ve prepared or follow a recipe to create something just as delicious as you would. You need to stop worrying that your kids will go hungry when you leave him in charge. His cooking skills extend beyond the grill, so let’s retire the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches when he’s on duty.
And let’s clarify something: when you leave the kids with him, he isn’t “babysitting.” This term suggests he rarely watches the kids and is merely being paid for it. It’s not a “Daddy Day” or “Mommy’s Spa Day” either—he’s a parent entrusted to care for his children. Referring to him as a babysitter undermines the family dynamic.
He can even tackle errands typically considered “feminine,” like grocery shopping with the kids. Dads can navigate the store without causing chaos or getting lost. No one should feel the need to compliment him for simply performing basic parenting duties, like pushing a cart with children in tow. Yet, when my partner does it, he’s treated like a hero, while I go unnoticed for doing the same. This double standard needs to change.
Sure, he may not approach tasks the same way you do. For instance, my husband sometimes mismatches our kids’ clothing sizes, putting a 2T outfit on our preschooler and a 3T on our 2-year-old. I used to get upset over these mix-ups, but then I remembered that I usually handle the laundry while he’s at work. Wearing slightly ill-fitting clothes is hardly a reason to stress. Nobody else knows that the red Star Wars shirt belongs to the baby, especially since it was once worn by the 4-year-old. In the grand scheme of happiness, these details are irrelevant.
He might also have a different approach to discipline. His tolerance for noise, mess, or chaos might be higher, resulting in a home that looks like a tornado hit after a day with the kids. While you may panic over the disarray, he may not even notice it. This is because, as the primary caregiver, you’re more aware that you’ll be the one cleaning up later.
After you both wrangle the kids into bed—yes, he can read them a bedtime story—he can help clean up the aftermath. He may not know that the goggles belong in the pink basket, not with the costumes, and that the Star Wars figures should be separated from the dinosaurs. But that’s okay; he’s trying, and the mess itself isn’t a big deal. Let him approach it in his own way, and don’t fix things behind him. Doing so only makes him feel inadequate, and that’s not fair. After all, he’s pitching in, right?
Dads aren’t the bumbling fools often portrayed on television; they are real parents, equipped with essential parenting skills, from cooking to cleaning and even running errands. Fathers have just as much invested in this parenting journey as mothers do. So let’s stop treating them like they’re incompetent—because they’re not, and you deserve their full support.
For more insights on family dynamics, check out this post on parenting. And if you’re exploring options for home insemination, visit Make A Mom for trusted at-home insemination kits. Additionally, the CDC offers excellent resources for pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, it’s high time we recognize and appreciate the active role fathers play in parenting. They are more than capable of handling their responsibilities without being undermined by stereotypes.
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