Today, I sent my youngest child, Liam, off to kindergarten. I anticipated a mix of excitement and relief, especially since he is my energetic little whirlwind. My days with Liam often revolve around managing his boundless energy, which can feel overwhelming. By the end of each day, I find myself drained and sometimes even teary-eyed. The thought of having a few hours to myself, where I can take my daughter to the museum or enjoy a peaceful walk without keeping a constant lookout for potential mishaps, seemed like a dream.
As I tucked Liam into bed last night, he asked me a series of questions typical for a child about to start school:
“Will I have to take my school supplies home every day?”
“No, sweetheart. They’ll stay at school.”
“But what if I have homework?”
“You’ll bring home what you need to do here, but everything else will stay at school.”
“And what if I have to cut paper?”
“We have scissors here at home.”
“Where?”
“I’ll show you later, love.”
“What if my teacher yells at me?”
“Why would she yell?”
“Because I’m bad. I’m always bad. What if she doesn’t like me?”
Those words struck me like a lightning bolt. I had never realized that Liam viewed himself as a “bad kid.” Yes, he often needs reminders about household rules, and he certainly spends more time reflecting on his actions than his siblings do. Whether he’s contemplating why throwing a bat during a game isn’t acceptable or is upset about losing a favorite toy, it’s clear he experiences frustrations that are part of his ADHD.
Despite the challenges, my husband and I have always focused on positive reinforcement. We celebrate his good behavior with stickers and praise him for his kindness. We strive to communicate our love and the joy we feel in being his parents. Yet, here he was, feeling undeserving of love and acceptance. It broke my heart to realize he’s already grappling with self-shame at such a tender age.
As I watched him walk toward the enormous school doors, I felt tears welling up. He was dwarfed by his backpack and the older kids around him, yet he approached this new chapter with courage. I hoped that this world would recognize the sweet, loving boy who cared so deeply for his little sister and cheered enthusiastically for his brother.
As I made my way back to the car, the tears streamed down my cheeks. “What’s wrong, Mommy?” my daughter, Emma, asked. I tried to pull myself together, but the words stumbled out between sobs. “I’m just going to miss him so much.” Emma looked up at me with her understanding eyes and said, “I know, Mommy. He’s my best boy. I will really miss my good boy.”
I can only hope that as he begins this new journey, the world sees him for who he truly is.
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Summary
Sending a child with ADHD to kindergarten can be an emotional experience for parents. This article recounts a mother’s heartfelt journey as she navigates her son’s feelings of self-doubt and her hopes for his acceptance in a new environment. It highlights the importance of love and understanding while providing links to valuable resources for further support.
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