To my dear kids,
I want you to know just how much I love you. My affection for you is as profound as my love for your younger brother, who has special needs and often demands much of my time, energy, and focus. I see the way you cherish him; the bond you all share fills my heart with warmth every day. Your cuddles, shared snacks, and playful moments together bring him such joy. Though he may not say much, his laughter is contagious, and his delight shines through those blue glasses he wears. You all recognize how extraordinary he is.
I understand that it can be frustrating at times. Hearing me say, “I need to help Ethan right now,” or “I can’t join you; I must stay home with Ethan,” must wear thin. I was never the stay-at-home type; I was the adventurous one, climbing sand dunes and navigating thrilling water slides. That adventurous spirit feels distant now as I navigate the challenges of caring for your younger brother, who, at nearly three years old, still struggles to express his needs. He is fast, too—always on the move!
I’m working hard to balance my time among all of you. Do you notice my efforts, even if they sometimes fall short? It’s not always about Ethan; sometimes, I just want to be a regular mom, engaging with friends at the pool instead of watching the same headstand for the thousandth time. I am still that person, but I also recognize that you need me just as much.
When your dad is away, I make it a point to share my bed with one of you, and I cherish those quiet moments where we can just talk about nothing. I hear your questions about why we don’t go out more often. We’ve been out together twice in the last two weeks, and I made sure of that! I arranged for a babysitter so I could join you in building sandcastles and swimming in the waves. I want to be the mom you remember.
Being a parent is incredibly challenging, and I am doing my best. I want you to know that my love for you is deeper than the ocean, and I long to be present with you, to hold your hands, smooth back your messy hair, and wrap you in hugs for as long as you’ll let me.
Please remember to express your needs when I seem distant. I know I am not perfect, and I can be selfish with my time, but I promise to keep trying. Ethan is just one part of our family, while you three are the ones who truly define my experience of motherhood.
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In summary, I love you all deeply and want to ensure that each of you knows how valued you are. I’m committed to finding a balance and being the mom you need.
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