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Parenting
By Jamie Collins
August 29, 2023
As I cradle my baby in my arms, his tiny head nestled against my chest, there’s a sense of peace that momentarily washes over me. He’s blissfully asleep, and the soft sounds of his sisters twirling and giggling in the living room create a picture-perfect scene that anyone peering through our window might assume is straight out of a heartwarming film. Yet, beneath this serene surface, chaos has been brewing.
This week has been a whirlwind. I’ve raised my voice at all three of my children, feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. Perhaps it was the lingering effects of last week’s illness, or maybe it’s the phase of the moon—it’s hard to pinpoint the cause, but we’ve been in a state of turmoil.
My 5-year-old is testing every boundary, snatching toys from her sister and darting away at the first hint of responsibility. Meanwhile, my sweet 2-year-old, who typically radiates gentleness, has morphed into a tornado of tantrums, hurling her applesauce across the room and wailing when I try to step away, even for a moment. And then there’s the baby, who was once my dream sleeper, now waking up every hour with piercing cries and refusing to take more than brief naps during the day.
I have felt my patience slip through my fingers. I’ve found myself saying things to the baby like, “You’re just going to have to cry,” when deep down, I knew I didn’t mean it. In moments of desperation, I’ve wished away those precious future years filled with hugs and “I love you, Mommy” from my little ones, just to escape the madness of now.
I have had my share of adult tantrums, and the rage that sometimes bubbles up within me is alarming. I’ve recognized that parents can reach a breaking point, where the unthinkable becomes a possibility. I never crossed that line, but the fear of losing control has left me shaken.
Every day, I grapple with feelings of inadequacy. Am I in over my head? How can I yearn for a fourth child when I struggle to manage the three I already have? The questions swirl, leaving me feeling like I’m flailing in the choppy waters of motherhood.
There are days when I outright resent this journey. I know I shouldn’t feel that way, especially considering the lengths I went to in order to become a mother. I should be grateful for the moments—the laughter, the cuddles, the memories we create. And I am, to a degree. The good times—trips to the zoo, reading bedtime stories, and enjoying homemade cookie dough—are treasures I hold dear, captured in countless photos.
But those joyful moments don’t erase the challenges. The simultaneous cries of my children, the battles over sharing toys, the endless nights of interrupted sleep, and the frustration of dinner rejection all pile up. I find myself tripping over a minefield of toys, ready to toss them all out just to have a moment of peace.
I’m exhausted and overwhelmed. Sometimes I feel like I’m drowning, struggling to keep my head above water. There’s no going back to a simpler time; I can only take a deep breath and keep paddling, hoping it will be enough.
Yet, there’s a voice deep inside me that whispers something different: “Tomorrow is a new day. You can do better.” And so, I commit to trying—every single day.
For those navigating similar struggles, you may find solace in reading more about the challenges of parenthood in this post. If you’re looking to expand your family, consider exploring options through reputable sources such as Cleveland Clinic for insights on home insemination, or check out Make A Mom for at-home insemination kits that can assist you on your journey.
Summary:
Motherhood can often feel overwhelming, with moments of chaos overshadowing the beauty of parenting. It’s a struggle many face, balancing the joy of family life with the challenges that come with it. Despite these difficulties, the hope for a better tomorrow remains at the core of the journey.
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