I never anticipated the overwhelming flood of emotions that motherhood would usher into my life. From the moment the test revealed that life-changing plus sign, I was engulfed by a whirlwind of feelings. Excitement, weariness, anxiety, uncertainty, fear, relief, and joy — and all of this occurred even before I laid eyes on my baby. And then there’s the love — oh, the love! It’s a love that takes you by surprise, fills your heart, and fuels your endurance through sleepless nights, relentless tantrums, and long, drawn-out mealtimes. That love is ever-present, and for that, I am grateful.
But lurking beneath the surface is another feeling we often overlook: fatigue. Until recently, I didn’t fully grasp what absolute exhaustion felt like, and when I finally recognized it, I was taken aback, especially since I adore motherhood. I would go to great lengths for my children; they embody every dream I’ve ever had. I cherish them daily.
However, as the haze of welcoming my second baby began to lift, I sensed that something was off. A shadow loomed over me, draining my joy and, more critically, hindering my ability to parent effectively. This wasn’t just the typical tiredness — it was something deeper, more daunting.
It stemmed from the small sacrifices we willingly make for our little ones. Those sacrifices often go unnoticed in the moment — a lukewarm dinner as we soothe a child to sleep, interrupted conversations as we chase after a toddler, and the absence of the last cookie, which never seems to be ours.
It also came from the daily interactions that compose our routine. The endless discussions about the need for shoes or why chocolate isn’t breakfast. The countless tiny but significant decisions we face day in and day out, along with the barrage of questions we’re expected to answer — “Can I use the iPad?” “Can I have a cookie?” “Where are my shoes?” “What’s for dinner?”
Parenting is a constant physical and emotional commitment, 24/7. The lifting and bending, the negotiating and calming, the praises and scoldings, the cooking, diaper changes, laundry, planning, watching — all while carrying the weighty responsibility of nurturing these tiny lives. Who decided I should be in charge of these little human beings? Sometimes, I want to scream at the treadmill of life, “Stop! Just let me off for a moment to catch my breath!”
These are significant emotions, and when they begin to overwhelm us, it becomes clear that we’re grappling with parenting fatigue. Alongside this comes a spicy side of guilt — what I call the “mother of emotions.” What right do I have to feel exhausted when I’m surrounded by so much joy? My children are healthy, and I am too. Others are managing far more with far less. I prayed for children, and my wishes came to fruition while others continue to struggle. My little ones need me now; soon they won’t need me in the same way. My joy is overflowing, and I need to cherish this moment.
While all of these thoughts are undeniably true, replaying them incessantly only amplifies the fatigue.
This year, I’ve learned that sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to hit the reset button. No one will label me a bad mom for taking a break. As much as I adore my role (and I feel fortunate to call this my day job), embracing variety is essential for a balanced and fulfilled life.
So, when the fog of fatigue threatened to engulf me, I took a moment to write down activities I’d like to pursue for myself over the year. But as I contemplated the list, the idea of self-indulgence felt overwhelming, so I simplified it to one thing — starting this blog (which has been a true lifesaver). Others might choose to train for a marathon, delve into pottery or cooking, learn a new language, or explore painting.
Just one activity was enough to illuminate my path to renewal and reclaim a piece of my identity. I began to make arrangements to carve out small windows of time for myself every few days. I asked for help, and it was incredibly liberating.
Of course, no solution is a miracle cure. Challenging days persist. I often find myself counting down to wine o’clock while feeling overwhelmed. Yet, once I acknowledged the deep-seated exhaustion of identifying solely as a mom, that debilitating fatigue began to fade. Letting go of the guilt I’d been carrying for feeling this way allowed my energy to flow back. By pursuing something for myself, I rediscovered my enthusiasm for my beautiful role as a mother. I can once again take pride in my parenting, and that pride is another significant feeling.
For more insights on navigating parenting challenges, check out this post on what to do when feeling overwhelmed. If you’re interested in resources for starting a family, Mount Sinai offers excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination. And for those considering at-home options, Make a Mom is a reputable retailer of insemination kits.
In summary, recognizing and addressing parenting fatigue is crucial for maintaining balance and joy in motherhood. By allowing ourselves to pause and prioritize self-care, we can reclaim our energy and passion for parenting.
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