22 Creative Excuses My Kids Use to Avoid Eating

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In our home, any child under 4 feet has a unique set of criteria for what qualifies as food. Here are the main contenders:

1. It must be candy.
2. It should be a quesadilla without a tortilla, so just cheese.
3. It must be introduced as a food for their chosen spirit animal of the day.
4. Someone else has to be consuming it.

Of course, this doesn’t apply to our two cats. While they may be small enough to fit the height requirement, their interests skew far from candy and cheese—they’ve embraced their true spirit animal status.

Meal times have transformed into vibrant events since the kids arrived. At least a dozen times a week, we encounter tiny protestors brandishing colorful signs demanding more sweets and less of the nutritious stuff. Even when they make their own food choices, they often backtrack. “I want Cocoa Puffs for breakfast, but I won’t eat them because I had a dream that milk tasted weird.”

So why can’t they just munch on their nine grapes and grilled cheese? Because they are kids, and kids are experts in creative excuses. Here are 22 reasons why my children refuse to eat:

1. I need to save it for later. This translates to, “I’ll just ask for something else that’s not remotely similar, like popcorn.”
2. I don’t like food. (as they reach for a bag of sour gummy worms)
3. I just want milk. The idea is that if they drink enough milk, they’ll feel too full to eat anything else.
4. My breakfast is gross. Cereal left unattended turns soggy and unappetizing. A life lesson: eat it while it still crunches!
5. My dinner is gross. Everything that isn’t candy seems to fall under this category, especially when ketchup is involved.
6. I don’t like carrots anymore. Toddlers can quit vegetables without reason. A good backup plan involves blending them into fruit smoothies.
7. I’m not hungry. Some toddlers can function for days on just a single grape or a few bites of food.
8. I don’t care if I eat. They genuinely don’t care about much at all.
9. I only like the straight noodles in mac and cheese, not the bendy ones. Apparently, the shape of the noodle impacts flavor.
10. I just want to play outside. Outside is where the food threats are minimal, except for the occasional blade of grass.
11. I’m busy. At four years old.
12. No, thanks. While this isn’t a valid excuse, my kids continue to try it, hoping I’ll forget they were offered a meal.
13. I just want peanut butter. Protein is crucial, so I let this one slide.
14. The bread is too white. And the wheat is too brown—any excuse works here!
15. I don’t like this. “This” being anything on their plate, unless it’s candy or grass.
16. I’m just eating yogurt from now on. Yogurt is nutritious, but the M&M’s mixed in are not.
17. Peas are super bad for you. The only thing peas are bad for is the person cleaning the kitchen!
18. My toast is too crunchy. If your toaster is like mine, this can be a tricky situation.
19. This isn’t chicken. It’s not dinosaur-shaped. A quick science lesson usually follows.
20. My fruit is touching my sandwich. Instead of instilling fear, we just try to remedy the situation by separating the items.
21. You don’t have green beans on your plate. I’ve earned my right to choose my plate, thank you very much.
22. My cereal is cold. This is rare, as I usually find it’s sat so long it’s practically cheese!

Like naps and timeouts, I have no idea why my kids make such a fuss about eating. I love eating—and naps even more! I must hand it to them; they’re far more creative than I was as a child. I would simply declare my dislike for food and stare at my plate until bedtime.

So, while these excuses are amusing, it would certainly make life easier if my kids would just eat. After all, our pantry is stocked with the bare essentials. No surprises in the grilled cheese sandwiches here—perhaps if they just tried one, they might earn a treat like sour gummy worms. For more insights on parenting, check out this other blog post.

In summary, navigating mealtime with kids can be a creative challenge filled with inventive excuses. Understanding their quirky logic can sometimes help in finding a solution that works for everyone. For those looking for tips on home insemination, this is an excellent resource. And for anyone interested in at-home insemination kits, this retailer provides a variety of options.