As summer winds down, the reality of kindergarten looms large, and honestly, I’m feeling anything but ready. My husband heads off to work, leaving me at home with all three kids, and I find myself glancing at the clock as if it holds the key to our daily entertainment. With everyone home, I’m their sole source of amusement and support. I’ve tried to arrange playdates, but our friends seem to have disappeared to beaches and family gatherings, or they are back at work, just like I used to be.
On scorching summer days, I dream of the beach while the heat radiates from our driveway, forcing us to retreat indoors, where the blinds are drawn against the sun. Our playroom’s contents migrate from room to room, turning our home into what feels like a chaotic mix of board games and forgotten toys.
Needless to say, I’m more than ready for school to begin. Yet, amid my excitement to transition from wrangling three kids to managing just one — especially during grocery runs — I can’t shake the reality that my eldest is about to start kindergarten. Kindergarten! Just like other significant milestones in my children’s lives, this one brings a whirlwind of emotions for me as a mom. Here’s a glimpse into what I’m feeling:
Nervousness
I find myself fretting over the small stuff. My oldest struggles with mornings, and truthfully, so do I. Our current morning routine looks something like this:
Me: “It’s time to get dressed.”
Me (five minutes later): “Hey, I said it’s time to get dressed!”
Me (another five minutes later): “Seriously? You’re still not dressed?”
Then, I resort to grabbing the keys and the younger kids, pretending I’ll leave her behind in just her underwear because honestly, some kids seem to need a little nudge to get them moving.
There are meltdowns. There are tears. Mornings at our place can be quite the ordeal. I can only imagine how chaotic next Tuesday morning will be; I half-expect my child to be the only one showing up late on her first day of kindergarten.
Worry
After checking in with her preschool pals, I learned none of them are in her kindergarten class. I’m not usually one to get overly concerned about her emotional well-being, but knowing she’s disappointed stings a bit. I know she will ultimately adjust, but I can’t help but think about her on that first day and wonder if she feels lonely or out of place, which will tug at my heartstrings.
Apprehension
This is my first foray into the realm of public schooling. I see other parents who navigate drop-offs, pick-ups, school lunches, PTAs, and homework with such ease, and I feel like I’m stepping into a new world without a map. Someday I’ll be one of those parents, but right now, I feel as lost as someone entering their first Zumba class.
Concern
Please, let her not be “that kid.” I hope she keeps her fingers out of her nose, remembers her manners, and doesn’t talk when the teacher asks for silence. Please, let her refrain from using words like “vagina” and “nipples” — both of which happen to be her current favorites — during class. I want her to show the world what a great parent I am.
So yes, I might be a bit anxious about starting kindergarten — although I would never let my 5-year-old sense that, as she carries her own worries. For her sake, I’ll pull it together long enough to send her off with a warm hug and a wave. Then, I’ll shed a few tears in the car before dropping off my middle child at preschool and heading to the grocery store with the baby, grateful for the 180 days of this routine before summer returns.
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In summary, while the start of kindergarten brings a mix of joy and anxiety, I know this transition is a vital step for my child, and I’m determined to embrace the journey, tears and all.
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