Ah, the classic moment every parent dreads: “So, Mom, there’s this party I want to attend on Saturday night…” I first heard those words from my daughter, Emily, during a casual trip to grab some coffee as her eighth-grade year was wrapping up. The sun was shining, and life felt perfect until the mention of “party” hit me like a ton of bricks. Instantly, my mom radar kicked in: Whose party? Where is it? Are the parents present? Will there be alcohol involved?!
I took a deep breath, trying to maintain my composure while gripping the steering wheel a little too tightly. I even cranked up the radio to drown out the anxiety, but Emily wasn’t letting it go. “Mom? The party?”
Pulling into a nearby parking space, I turned off the engine and faced her. While my husband and I had always made it clear that alcohol is for adults, we hadn’t discussed the specifics—facts, expectations, and consequences of underage drinking. It was clear that this was the moment to dive into that conversation.
“Okay, tell me about this party,” I prompted, fighting the urge to shut it all down when she revealed that the host was a friend of a friend and the invitation was sent through Instagram. Emily didn’t even know the address or if the girl’s parents would be home. She made her case, insisting that missing out would make her look like the odd one out.
After she finished, I asked the million-dollar question we hadn’t tackled yet: “Will there be alcohol?” She looked down and admitted, “Honestly, Mom, I don’t know, but probably.”
And there it was—at just 13, Emily was already facing the reality of alcohol, even if she was too young to fully grasp its dangers. While I wished for a world where she would remain alcohol-free until she was mature enough to handle it, I knew that wasn’t realistic. I had my own experiences at her age, after all.
As her parent, my responsibility was to inform her about the effects of alcohol and share my views. I began with the basics: underage drinking is illegal for good reason. I emphasized that we would not be the kind of parents who supply alcohol for her or her friends, nor would we turn a blind eye to drinking under our roof. Cue the first eye roll—classic teenage defiance.
Next, I explained the serious ramifications of excessive drinking: it can damage brain cells, and it’s especially reckless to mess with your developing brain. Plus, I warned her about the unpleasant side effects of drinking too much—nobody enjoys a hangover, after all. I stressed that when intoxicated, making sound decisions becomes nearly impossible, leading to risky choices like riding with a drunk driver or ditching a friend in need.
One of the most concerning points I raised was the link between alcohol and instances of assault or rape. I made it clear that being drunk does not excuse anyone’s harmful behavior, but it can make it much harder for individuals to defend themselves or seek help when they need it.
When I finally finished, the silence in the car felt heavy. I could see the worry etched on Emily’s face, even as she tried to play it cool. “What if I do drink, Mom? What if I get into trouble?”
In that moment, my heart ached for her. Growing up is a tough journey filled with self-discovery and challenges. At over 40, I’m still learning myself. What helps is knowing someone is always in your corner, ready to support you even when mistakes happen.
“If you ever find yourself in a tough spot, you call me—no matter what,” I reassured her, taking her hand. “And if you need to bail out of a situation, just say your crazy mom is blowing up your phone, and you have to go. I’ll have your back.”
This was the crux of our conversation. I want Emily to trust me as she learns to trust herself. Keeping the lines of communication open is crucial.
“Thanks, Mom,” she replied with a smile, reflecting on her options. “I guess I need to think about whether I want to go to this party or not.”
“Absolutely,” I said, relieved she was considering her choices seriously. “Let’s figure it out together over some Frappuccinos.”
In conclusion, it’s essential to have open and honest discussions with our teens about alcohol and its implications. Equip them with the knowledge they need to make informed decisions while ensuring they know they can always rely on you for support.
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