Boys, You Can’t Just Pee Anywhere

Get Pregnant Fast

To my beloved boys,

I can only imagine how thrilling it must be to have a penis. If I were in your shoes, I know I’d be tempted to show it off and play around with it just like you do. However, as your mother, it’s my responsibility to guide you on where and when it’s appropriate to “let it out.” Based on the number of places I’ve caught you urinating, it’s clear we need to clarify some boundaries. So, I want you to pay close attention to this lesson:

Just because you can pee anywhere doesn’t mean you should.

I get it—it’s super convenient to relieve yourself without having to hunt down a clean, safe restroom. I’ve been there myself, especially during those long car rides when a sleeping baby is in the backseat and a fast-food cup is your only option. But most of the time, you’re just a stone’s throw away from a proper toilet.

That makes it completely unnecessary (and frankly, socially unacceptable) to pee in any of the following places:

1. Our front yard
2. The neighbors’ front yard
3. The street drain
4. The park
5. The playground
6. The porch
7. The side of the house
8. The cat’s litter box
9. Potted plants
10. Flower beds
11. Coffee cups
12. Water guns (especially if they sit unused until the pee goes rancid. Ahem.)

I’m not trying to be a buzzkill here. Even someone like me, who doesn’t have a penis, can understand the temptation of having a built-in hose. However, you’ll need to resist that urge unless you’re aiming for a future behind bars.

And just to make sure you don’t feel completely deprived, I might occasionally allow you to write your name in the snow, because let’s be honest, that does sound fun. But only in a private area where no one can see—no exceptions.

When you’re not near a hidden snowbank—which is probably 99.9% of the time—there’s always the toilet. Try to aim for the water, okay? If it helps, toss in a few Cheerios first. I’d much rather lose a few cents worth of cereal than have to deal with the public humiliation of witnessing you drop your pants in a public area—or the disgust of discovering pee where it should never be.

I’m not aiming to ruin your fun; I’m simply fulfilling my duty as a parent to teach you a vital life lesson that seems to be hard for you to grasp.

Oh, and while we’re at it, let’s add “anything made of cloth or paper” to your no-pee list.

With all my love,
Mom

If you want to dive deeper into parenting tips and insights, check out this article on Cervical Insemination. And for those interested in home insemination, I recommend visiting Make A Mom for reliable at-home insemination kits. Also, if you’re curious about what to expect during your first IUI, Parents offers a great resource on that topic.

In summary, boys, while it may be tempting to relieve yourselves in various places, it’s crucial to remember the importance of using proper facilities. Embrace the joy of using the toilet, keep the community clean, and save the fun for appropriate moments.