Parenting
As a mom of young kids, I’ve received countless requests:
- “Can you join the committee?”
- “Would you be our room mom?”
- “Are you interested in a leadership role?”
The enthusiastic response bubbling inside me is always, “Yes! Absolutely! Count me in!” I thrive on being helpful, involved, and productive. After all, being the oldest child naturally makes me inclined to take charge.
But wait a moment—hold on. I must apologize because the truth is, I can’t commit right now. I genuinely want to, but the reality of my day-to-day life as a mother of little ones often leaves me scrambling just to maintain the basics.
There are days when I hardly find the time for a shower. Even with appointments noted on my calendar, I often forget them. I frequently misplace crucial items, like my wallet or, let’s be honest, my sanity.
I know many parents—both stay-at-home and working—who juggle multiple responsibilities with grace. They have important roles, attend meetings, and fulfill commitments that involve people beyond their immediate families. This high-achieving group manages to follow through consistently.
For instance, they don’t forget that 10 a.m. dentist appointment they saw on their calendar earlier that morning. They manage to dress themselves in real clothes instead of pajamas and remember birthdays and send gifts on time!
I, however, am not in that league.
Realizing my limitations came through experience. I dropped too many balls and disappointed my children too often. I felt that familiar rush of embarrassment when I had to scramble at the last minute to fulfill commitments—or worse, not fulfill them at all.
All of this frustration could have been avoided with a single, powerful word: No.
- No, I can’t.
- No, I’m sorry.
- No, not now.
I genuinely want to help, but until my kids can dress themselves, pour their own milk, and manage basic hygiene without my assistance, I simply can’t take on more.
During our first summer in a new neighborhood, just before my oldest started kindergarten, I found myself juggling a baby in a carrier while trying to wrangle my energetic four-year-old and my daughter. As I stumbled toward the parking lot, drenched in sweat, I encountered an experienced swim mom.
“I wish I could help,” I admitted.
Her response was life-changing: “Oh, we know you will! Just not right now. We were all in your shoes a few years ago. Don’t worry about it.”
In that moment, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief. I realized I didn’t have to feel judged or like I was letting anyone down. She offered me the permission I didn’t know I needed to take my time and join in when I could—later.
I look forward to volunteering more, but for now, “helping mommy” means something different—it’s more about managing endless cycles of laundry and keeping little ones from turning the house upside down.
Thank you to those moms with older kids who understand that some of us are just trying to get through the essentials. Your hard work does not go unnoticed. We look forward to stepping up when our kids are a bit more independent.
And to my fellow moms of young ones, don’t feel guilty about saying “no” or dropping the ball occasionally as you navigate this chaotic phase. We’ve all been there. Finding balance takes time. Saying “yes” will come, perhaps in a few years.
Maybe instead of just one word, we need five: “Yes, in about four years.”
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Summary
As a mom of young children, I often find myself wanting to help but having to decline due to the chaos of daily life. Many parents manage to juggle responsibilities effortlessly, but for me, it’s a struggle. I’ve learned the importance of recognizing my limits and the power of saying “no.” With understanding from others, I look forward to volunteering more when my kids are older.
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