How Working for a Narcissist Prepared Me for Parenthood

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I still vividly recall the moment I reached my limit. I stepped into that conference room, and there he stood: a miniature tyrant in cargo shorts, glaring at me with piercing eyes full of fury and disdain. After an hour-long tirade that felt more like a mental endurance test, I made my escape from that dreary television station in Nowheresville, NJ, vowing never to return.

While working for a sociopathic narcissist can be a daunting experience, it does come with unexpected advantages, especially for those just starting their careers. First and foremost, any future boss will seem like a breath of fresh air in comparison. Secondly, these narcissists are often highly intelligent, offering valuable lessons—if you can withstand the pressure. Most crucially, working for one of these characters prepares you for the ultimate challenge: parenthood. And, as hard as it is to admit, becoming someone’s servant pretty much encapsulates being a parent.

Here are five ways that dealing with a narcissistic boss helped me embrace the journey of motherhood:

1. Sleep Deprivation
   A volatile boss often has you working late into the night, sometimes forcing you to crash on the station couch rather than endure a long drive home. This was my reality, and I even kept a change of clothes stashed in a colleague’s dressing room. In much the same way, a newborn keeps you up all night, leaving you desperate and exhausted but still needing to function the next day. You’ll find yourself feeding, changing, rocking, and—if you’re lucky—catching a few minutes of shut-eye on the couch, assuming your little one doesn’t start crying right when you’re dozing off.
2. The Art of Redirection
   I quickly learned how to divert my boss’s attention when he would storm into my office, furious over something I supposedly did wrong. A well-timed piece of good news about an important project could shift his focus. Similarly, parenting requires mastering distraction; if little Timmy is about to poke his fingers into an electrical socket, a balloon pop or a fun toy can redirect his attention. It’s all about keeping those little minds engaged and safe.
3. Enduring Screams
   While my body didn’t react physically to my boss’s shouting, my heart raced, and my ears would ring. No one enjoys being yelled at, but after enduring constant berating from an adult throwing tantrums, your child’s cries start to sound like soothing lullabies in comparison.
4. Always Be Prepared
   In the high-stakes world of my old job, failing to prepare for unexpected challenges would lead to public embarrassment and stress. This lesson translates directly into motherhood. You’ll find yourself asking, “What if there’s an emergency while I’m out with my infant?” Consequently, you’ll stock your car with diapers, water, formula, and maybe even a few snacks for yourself. Take a moment to check your diaper bag—are you truly ready for anything?
5. Learning Who to Trust
   My narcissistic boss thrived on creating divisions among staff, leading to factions of supporters and detractors. In the world of parenting, you’ll encounter similar dynamics. Some other moms will uplift you, while others might revel in your struggles. Having navigated the toxic waters of a narcissistic workplace, you’ll quickly identify those who genuinely support you versus those who may not have your best interests at heart.

Whether you’re managing a restless infant or a rebellious teenager, the skills honed while enduring a narcissistic boss will serve you well in parenthood. Embrace those challenging experiences with gratitude. Give a mental nod to that tyrant and acknowledge their role in shaping who you are today—then, of course, flip them off in your mind and hope they trip on a stray toy.

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In summary, working for a narcissist can be a torturous experience, but it equips you with invaluable skills for the chaotic world of parenting. From managing sleep deprivation to mastering the art of distraction, the lessons learned can transform your approach to motherhood.