Updated: October 17, 2023
At the age of 34, I found myself unexpectedly pregnant. It wasn’t in our plans, and to be honest, it caught us off guard. But as people often say, you can’t truly plan for these moments. Everything has a way of working out. So, we visited the doctor, began wrapping our heads around this new reality, and started to feel a surge of excitement. But then came the heartbreaking news: I had a miscarriage.
It happened very early in the pregnancy—around six weeks along. Being in tune with my body, I sensed something was off. My OB informed me that many women experience early miscarriages without even realizing it; they might simply think their period is late. But we were aware of our pregnancy, and when that unexpected bleeding started, I knew I was losing the baby.
Fast forward three months, and I’m pregnant again. We return to the doctor, and initial blood tests seem normal. But soon after, I experience intense pain and bleeding. A visit to the ER reveals the shocking truth: I have an ectopic pregnancy, where the embryo has implanted in my fallopian tube and cannot develop properly. This situation requires immediate action to prevent serious complications.
Fortunately, it was still early enough that I could avoid having my fallopian tube removed. The medical team administered a drug called Methotrexate, which halts the growth of rapidly dividing cells—both cancerous cells and embryos. The intramuscular injection was painful, and I left with strict instructions to avoid pregnancy for a couple of months to prevent potential birth defects.
A year passed. Now at 35, we began trying for a baby again. Each month brought disappointment as tests came back negative. I started to worry that the Methotrexate had compromised my ability to conceive. Then, finally, a positive test!
But getting pregnant after experiencing miscarriages is not a walk in the park. The anxiety is overwhelming, and I found myself on edge during the early doctor appointments. Seeing a heartbeat was a relief, yet the joy was tinged with fear. The 12-week ultrasound is often seen as a significant milestone for expectant mothers—a point where many feel safe enough to announce their pregnancy. I had confided only to family and a few close friends.
Then, just one day before my 12-week ultrasound, I started bleeding heavily. Another trip to the ER confirmed my worst fears: I was miscarrying again. This time, it was nothing like the first; the amount of blood was alarming. As we sat in the waiting area, I felt something was terribly wrong. Once in triage, the cramping intensified, and to my horror, I realized I was bleeding profusely through three layers of clothing.
They moved us to a private room, and my husband rushed to assist me, but soon his arms were covered in blood too. The scene was chaotic and frightening. Am I dying? I genuinely wondered. In the midst of this turmoil, a nurse entered, calm and collected. “Don’t worry, ma’am. This is completely normal.”
Normal? Seriously? It turns out she was right. The statistics are staggering: one in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage. In the U.S. alone, this translates to roughly 500,000 miscarriages each year. Despite my awareness of women’s health issues, I was shocked to learn how few shared their experiences.
Why is that? Perhaps it’s simply too painful to discuss. It’s clinical, it’s depressing, and frankly, no one enjoys recounting such heart-wrenching details. It feels like a personal failure, especially for women who are biologically designed for motherhood. The emotional toll is heavy, and the physical recovery can be brutal.
If you’re experiencing this right now, know that you are not alone. You will get through this. Women are incredibly resilient. Many of us eventually go on to have children after enduring such losses. After my two miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy, I was blessed to welcome two beautiful children into the world at ages 38 and 40.
It’s crucial that we share these stories with one another. Keeping these experiences private doesn’t help anyone. They are part of our stories as women—common experiences that deserve to be acknowledged. If you find yourself bleeding heavily at three months, understand that it’s a part of the process, and you are not alone.
For more insights on this topic, check out our other blog post at this link and consider resources like Cleveland Clinic’s podcast on pregnancy and home insemination. If you’re looking for tools to assist with conception, Make A Mom provides reputable at-home insemination kits.
In summary, the journey through pregnancy loss can be isolating and painful, but it is important to acknowledge these experiences and support one another. Sharing our stories can empower us and help break the silence surrounding such common yet often unspoken struggles.
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