As my son approaches his 4th birthday, he’s set his heart on a superhero-themed celebration — with the explicit request for “no girls.” We’ve opted for an intimate gathering at home, including his grandparents and a handful of friends from preschool, along with their parents. When I sent out the Evite, a slight pang of guilt washed over me for not inviting his entire class.
In the past, we’ve attended birthday parties that included all 20 kids from his class, often held in rented venues and overflowing with guests, sometimes even reaching 60 attendees. It’s astounding to think that these celebrations can draw more than my grandparents’ 50th wedding anniversary!
These extravagant affairs usually kick off with a group circle where kids introduce themselves, despite having known each other for years. The sugary treats abound, but the highlight is undoubtedly the bounce house, where kids line up eagerly, waiting for their turn to jump until the timer goes off. We always leave with goody bags that are filled with sweets and small plastic trinkets.
Our generation of parents often faces criticism for hosting such extravagant birthday bashes. Experts argue that we spoil our children, lean towards materialism, and use these events to flaunt our wealth. Yet, I believe that the underlying reason for these grandiose parties is more compassionate: it feels disheartening to exclude young kids from the guest list.
I allowed my son to invite just six classmates. He quickly named his favorite pals and even wanted to add a couple more, but I had to put my foot down. Living in a small city apartment, six hyper boys is quite the handful. That’s when the guilt resurfaced: should I have booked a bigger venue for his entire class?
Every time I walk into my son’s preschool, I’m filled with joy watching the kids interact. They run up to greet us and share their latest tattoos or ninja moves. Many of these little ones have been around since they were in diapers.
Preschoolers exist in a magical realm. They don’t engage in bullying or form cliques like older kids do. Friendships are easily made through shared interests like superhero games, and they rarely fall apart. For us parents, it’s a great time to bond without diving into the kids’ social dramas. Inviting the entire class fosters this inclusive spirit and helps avoid the hurt feelings that tend to emerge as kids grow older.
Will some of the kids or their parents feel left out when they hear about our small gathering? I’ve had a serious chat with my son about keeping the party under wraps at school, but I know it might be tough for a 3-year-old to keep such excitement to himself.
We chose to have a small gathering because I believe a large crowd would overwhelm my son. Honestly, it would likely overwhelm me, too. There’s often an inverse relationship between how much money is spent and how much fun kids have.
Recently, we spent $60 on tickets to a local kids’ festival, which promised endless fun: bounce houses, a train ride, live performances, and unlimited ice cream. Yet, our son was happiest just running around with his friends outside the main tent. Every time we tried to engage in a planned activity, he would get frustrated as his buddies were whisked away by their parents trying to maximize the experience.
“Let’s try the train ride,” I suggested, pointing at the long line.
Our son ended up in tears, exclaiming, “I hate festivals!”
“I’m really trying to make this fun,” my husband added, while clutching a balloon shaped like a lightsaber.
To avoid a meltdown (on all fronts), I sent my husband to the ice cream station and left feeling like we had narrowly escaped a chaotic amusement park. Next year, instead of shelling out for overpriced tickets, we’ll simply invest that money in a nice bottle of wine.
Ultimately, we’ve decided to keep our son’s birthday celebration simple and distraction-free. There won’t be any long waits or structured activities — just a “Happy Birthday” song, lots of blocks, Play-Doh, and toy trucks for the boys to enjoy, along with a budget focused on wine and beer for the adults.
While I hope no one feels slighted by our small gathering, we’re committed to celebrating our son’s birthday the way he envisions it: chasing imaginary villains with a select group of his closest superhero friends.
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In summary, while it’s common to feel pressure to invite every classmate, we chose a more intimate celebration that aligns with our son’s desires and our capacity to host. Sometimes, less really is more.
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