“Mom, what’s sex?” asked Lucas, fiddling with the tag on his Iron Man pajamas.
“Uh, well, it’s a bit complicated. We need to head to school! Remember, today is the day you finish your Leprechaun traps!”
Thank goodness we were running late again.
I knew this moment would arrive, but I never imagined it would happen amidst fairy tales, sewing superhero capes, and reading The Cat in the Hat for the umpteenth time.
A quick online search for “how to talk to a 5-year-old about sex” revealed that I should respond to his question promptly, to nurture trust and teach a healthy attitude toward the topic. Apparently, his curiosity was perfectly normal, but my plan to postpone this conversation until he was 37 was not the best approach.
I scoured the internet, trying to figure out how to answer him. The pressure mounted as I realized this was my chance to be the “perfect mom” I envisioned. You know the type—those who have organized Tupperware, always clean their ketchup bottles, and garden in pearls. Above all, these “good moms” are always ready to discuss sensitive topics with their kids.
When Lucas returned from school that day, I prepared a snack of celery and peanut butter with raisins, carefully arranging them to resemble the “ants on a log” I had seen on Pinterest.
We sat at the kitchen table. I took a deep breath and, with a calm expression, began, “Sweetie, I wanted to talk about your question from this morning.”
Crunch.
“What question? What’s up with your face?” he asked.
“About… you know… what you asked me earlier,” I said, hoping he might have forgotten.
Crunch.
“Oh, about sex! My friend Mia said her mommy and daddy did it, and now she has a baby in her tummy. She said her mommy is going to poop it out soon.”
Crunch.
“Lucas, could you chew with your mouth closed, please?”
“Sure! I really like this cerely.”
“Celery.”
“Cerely.”
“CEL-ER-EE.”
“CE-RUH-LEE.”
“Forget it,” I muttered, feeling my eye twitch.
“Do you have a baby in your tummy right now, Mommy?” he asked, eyeing my food baby I’ve been trying to lose since 1995.
“No, sweetie, I don’t.”
“Maybe you should do it with Mia’s daddy so you can have one.”
Now both of my eyes are twitching. I took another deep breath.
“It doesn’t work quite like that, Lucas.”
Actually, it does, but Mia’s dad has a questionable smile, and my partner would definitely not approve. Focus, Sarah.
“Sex is something that happens when you love or really, really like someone, whether it’s a girl, a boy, or both, sometimes at the same time.”
Oh no.
Whenever I get nervous, my ability to filter my thoughts seems to vanish. Job interviews? Never a good idea.
“My friend Jake told me you get a baby by kissing and hugging someone really tight,” he said, licking peanut butter from his fingers.
“No, buddy, that’s not right. Sex is a special thing that involves your body and another person or group of people—definitely not animals or relatives—who feel the same way you do.”
Crunch.
Why didn’t I just make peanut butter and jelly?!
“Protection is really important if you want to avoid any unpleasant side effects, like itchiness or children.”
Oh dear.
“Mommy, can I have more cerely?”
“Uh, sure.”
“Can I eat it downstairs?”
“Well…”
“Please? I’m bored and want to watch some TV.”
I’ve never been so grateful for a 5-year-old’s short attention span! “Yes, absolutely!”
He jumped up, hugged me tightly, and declared, “You’re the best mommy in the whole wide world.”
With an eye roll and a sigh, I put on my pearls and tackled the Tupperware disaster.
In Summary
Talking to your child about complex topics like sex can be daunting, particularly when they’re young. It’s important to approach these discussions with honesty and openness, creating a foundation of trust and understanding. For more insights on parenting and related topics, check out our other blog post and consider exploring options like at-home insemination kits from reputable retailers. If you’re seeking additional resources on fertility and pregnancy, this support group is an excellent place to start.
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