Stepping Beyond My Mother’s Parenting Guidelines

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Growing up, my mother had a plethora of rules—so many that I often felt stifled by them. Having three children meant she had to lay down the law to keep us from driving her crazy. Now, as a mother myself, I understand the need for some structure, but I’ve come to realize that many of the rules we grew up with feel a bit archaic. In today’s world, with its unique set of challenges like social media pressures and increased safety concerns, it’s clear that parenting has evolved significantly since our mothers’ time.

Here are some of the parenting guidelines I’ve decided to adjust, and I bet you’ll see some echoes of your own mother’s rules in what follows:

1. The Silence on Sex
   In our conservative household, sex was a topic that was strictly off-limits. Sure, we had the obligatory “birds and bees” talk, but after that, discussing anything related to intimacy felt taboo. While I might have been a good kid, I definitely had my moments of rebellion that probably warranted a few confessions. With my own kids, I’ve committed to fostering an open dialogue about sex. I want them to understand the emotional and physical aspects of relationships without feeling embarrassed. No question is off-limits, and I know my mother would faint if she knew about our discussions.
2. Girls Don’t Initiate
   My mother held a firm belief: good girls never called boys. If I wanted to go out, it had to be via an invitation from a boy. This old-fashioned approach taught me that my plans were contingent on someone else’s initiative. Once I hit college, I discarded this notion. I want my daughter to feel empowered to take the lead in her social life. If she wants to go to the movies, she should be able to invite friends—regardless of gender. And yes, I’ll try not to cringe when a girl calls my son for plans, though old habits die hard.
3. Always Be Nice
   In my childhood, we were taught to be nice to everyone, even those who were less than kind to us. My mom believed that kindness was a powerful tool to combat meanness. While I still value politeness, I also want my children to stand up for themselves and others. Standing firm for what is right is more effective than a simple “please” in addressing issues like bullying or injustice. That said, I will still insist on basic manners—thank yous are non-negotiable.
4. Wait for Dad
   My mother played the role of both referee and disciplinarian in our household. When we pushed her too far, she would ominously declare, “Just wait until your father gets home!” This left us quaking in our boots. As a parent, I’ve decided that discipline is my responsibility alone. My partner and I maintain a united front, and while he’s supportive, I may still be the one that sends them running for cover.

Ultimately, my mother was right about many things, and she’s allowed me the space to navigate motherhood on my own terms. I’m sure my daughter will have her own parenting style, but I’ll do my best to hold back on the “I told you so” moments.

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In summary, parenting is a dynamic journey that requires us to adapt and evolve. By reassessing outdated rules, we can create a nurturing environment that empowers our children to thrive in today’s complex world.