Dear Mom of a Child with Unique Needs,
I want to take a moment to share something personal: I grapple with depression and anxiety. I prefer the term “a person with depression” rather than being labeled as a “depressed person” or “depressive.” Similarly, I aim to use person-first language when discussing your child. However, I’m often uncertain about the right words to use. Should I say “disability” or “condition”? Is the term “sick” appropriate? My intention is to be respectful and genuine, and I want to make sure I come across that way.
While I may not need to describe your child, I genuinely hope for our children to become friends. It’s crucial for my kids to learn the value of embracing differences and treating everyone equally, regardless of whether they are neurotypical or not. Above all, I want them to connect authentically — without any hint of tokenism.
I also need your guidance when it comes to explaining your child’s unique traits to my kids. The last thing I want to do is invade your child’s privacy or make them uncomfortable. For instance, if my child notices something and has questions, how do I respond? I want them to understand and appreciate your child, but I also want to avoid sharing any details that might be inappropriate.
I genuinely want to connect with you. I can only imagine the challenges you face as a parent of a child with special needs. There can be a lot of isolation for both you and your child, coupled with the societal prejudices that often exist. I know your schedule is filled with doctor’s appointments and therapies, making playdates even more complicated. It must feel overwhelming and lonely at times. How can my child and I help ease that burden? I’m here to listen or simply provide a break from medical discussions if that’s what you need.
I sincerely hope we can become friends. Rest assured, when we encounter you in public, I will treat your child as the incredible individual they are, rather than defining them by their challenges. I will do my best to answer my kids’ questions and encourage them to approach you with anything I can’t clarify. Please feel free to guide them if they step over any boundaries. It would mean a lot for our children to meet and become friends; kids just love making new connections.
Lastly, I have one question: Does your child fit at our Lego table? If not, that’s totally fine — we’ll figure something out together.
Thank you for your time. I know it’s precious.
Warmly,
A Fellow Mom
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