As mothers, we often find ourselves uttering the word “no” far too frequently. No, you can’t have that snack right now. No, you’re not borrowing the car tonight. No, I’m not going to scold your sibling for taking your favorite book. We craft excuses to stay cozy at home on chilly winter days, and we often decline committee roles because, let’s face it, who has time to organize a school carnival? Our partners hear “no” far more than they’d prefer in the bedroom, often due to exhaustion or feelings of insecurity about our bodies. We even skip workouts, blaming our hectic schedules filled with our kids’ activities.
If you identify as an introvert, you might find yourself saying no to friendly playdate invitations, questioning why socializing is necessary unless absolutely unavoidable. We’re conditioned to say no, no, no—day in and day out. It’s no wonder that moms are often labeled as the “no” people.
But what if we flipped the script? What if we said “yes” to ourselves, even half the time?
When I first became a mother, my focus was solely on ensuring my children were thriving. I poured every ounce of energy into midnight feedings, lengthy play sessions, and coaxing my toddlers into consuming anything other than blueberries. I allowed my social life to dwindle, with only the occasional playgroup gathering. Months could pass without my putting on anything other than workout clothes that I never actually used for exercise.
Then one day, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and realized I looked utterly exhausted. I wasn’t just tired—I looked like I was fading. My hair was a mess, and dark circles under my eyes made me almost unrecognizable. My body, too, had changed dramatically. It was clear I had been saying “no” to my own well-being for far too long.
In that moment, I decided it was time to start saying yes to myself. I began to adjust who and what I said no to: No, I won’t wake up early with the kids on Saturdays because I’m choosing to go for a run (which, I admit, was more of a brisk walk that made my neighbors wonder what was going on). No, I can’t handle bath time tonight; I’m saying yes to a spin class with friends. While “no” still had its place in my vocabulary, I stopped directing it toward myself. This small shift led to a significant change—I lost 30 pounds of baby weight simply by prioritizing my needs.
Women, especially mothers, are often seen as the caregivers, the planners, and the problem solvers. Our families rely on us for everything from dinner to finding lost soccer shoes. Our lives can often feel chaotic, leaving little room for self-reflection or pursuing our own aspirations. Saying “no” may simplify our lives in the short term, but it can also prevent us from embracing opportunities that might enrich our future.
A friend of mine, Ellen, recently shared that she applied for a new job she had long desired. Initially, she hesitated, worrying that she might be taking on too much amidst her busy family life. But instead of saying no, she decided to lean in and tackle the challenges later. She found it difficult to prioritize herself, yet she was grateful for her decision and even treated herself to new outfits for the role.
Saying yes to ourselves doesn’t mean we are neglecting our responsibilities as mothers or shifting our burdens onto our partners or colleagues. It’s about adopting a new mindset, recognizing that we are worthy of our dreams. Even if that dream is simply savoring a quiet cup of coffee alone. While I’m committing to saying yes more often, I’ll always draw the line at Justin Bieber—some things are just not negotiable.
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In summary, it’s essential for mothers to carve out time to say yes to themselves. By shifting our focus and allowing ourselves to embrace opportunities, we can cultivate a more fulfilling and enriching life.
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