It’s a bright Wednesday morning in July, and my tween is tucked away in her room. I take the dog for a walk, run some errands, and manage a bit of work. Three hours pass, and there’s still no sign of my sixth-grader. I peek in to see her still in her pajamas, engrossed in her iPad.
“Hey there, sweetie,” I call from the doorway.
“Hi, Mom,” she responds without glancing up. A familiar aroma of unwashed hair mingled with a fruity body lotion wafts through the door.
I hesitate, my instinct telling me to push her to get moving, but I refrain. “Don’t forget to grab something to eat,” I remind her before quietly shutting the door.
A few years ago, I would have never imagined allowing this level of inactivity. When my two older daughters were younger, the mere idea of an unstructured summer sent me into a frenzy. I pictured a house in disarray, piles of laundry creeping up the hall, and half-eaten sandwiches mysteriously appearing behind the couch. With friends busy at Math Camp or Outdoor Adventure Camp, I felt the need to keep my kids engaged and out of trouble. I signed them up for day camps, arranged visits to the grandparents, and meticulously planned outings to fill every blank day on our calendar.
During those early years, a busy summer schedule worked wonders. While the school year was packed with homework, sports, and weekend activities, my children still had the energy for more excitement between June and September. But if I had suggested they lounge around at home, they would have quickly embraced the idea—only to start complaining about boredom shortly after. My summer days would have turned into an endless cycle of crafting projects, amusement parks, zoo trips, and shuttling them to their friends’ houses. This was not a scenario I could handle, and honestly, they needed more structure at that age.
Fast Forward to the Tween Years
When my oldest daughter returned from summer camp and declared she was done with day camp, I panicked. I attempted to convince her she was being unreasonable, caught up in a “don’t-do-anything” mindset. But she stood her ground. Unable to force her to attend camp, volunteer, or pursue a hobby, I reluctantly agreed to let her do… absolutely nothing.
I chuckled to myself, thinking, “Let’s see how long this lasts.”
The first week confirmed all my worries: she lounged in her pajamas, skipped baths, binge-watched shows, and played video games for hours on end. Her diet consisted of cereal, cookies, and cheese puffs, which left the room smelling less than pleasant. This extreme laziness triggered my parental guilt: Shouldn’t I be pushing her to learn a new sport, dive into a classic novel, or at least watch something educational? Wasn’t it my responsibility to oversee her growth and development every single day?
As week two began, her routine remained largely unchanged, filled with screen time and minimal hygiene, while my anxiety continued to escalate. Then, a change occurred. She asked me to take her to the pool for laps. Without a hint of reluctance, she began walking the dog. She even made plans with a friend to stroll into town for frozen yogurt. Amidst these outings, she started picking up books, creating a photo collage, and sorting through a year’s worth of papers and projects.
My worries began to fade as she took charge of her leisurely days. We crossed paths occasionally, sharing moments on my bed with our books or taking casual grocery trips together. While my errands and work continued, she enjoyed her own time watching movies and sleeping in. The difference was that, without strict schedules and endless to-do lists, we both found a way to unwind. Our days became less stressful and filled with more joy.
The Importance of Downtime
The reality is, we all need downtime to recharge. With their busy school schedules, summer offers my children a rare chance to embrace idleness. Allowing my daughter this freedom inspired me to do the same. In a world that prioritizes constant activity, lounging in pajamas and indulging in movies for a week or two feels like a small rebellion. So, here’s to my tween—and her mom—embracing this laid-back summer revolution.
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In summary, allowing our kids to have unstructured time during the summer can lead to unexpected growth and independence. Embracing downtime isn’t just beneficial for them, but also a much-needed reset for us as parents.
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