My grandparents enjoyed a marriage that spanned over 65 years, despite being polar opposites in many respects. Grandpa was the calm and collected type, while Grandma was fiercely determined and outspoken. He was a dreamer, and she was the one who put plans into action. Their relationship thrived, navigating career changes, welcoming three children, facing the heartbreaking loss of two of them within just six months, managing a business, and overcoming all the little hiccups that come with any partnership.
In today’s world, it often feels like relationships are more transient, with many claiming that “divorce is far too easy.” There’s a misconception that past generations stayed married simply because “that’s just how it was.” However, I believe my grandparents remained together because they embraced a fundamental truth about marriage: “Some days,” Grandpa would wisely note, “Love is a choice.”
No one enters into marriage believing it will end in divorce. We don’t say “’til divorce do us part” in our vows. Sure, there are instances when divorce is indeed the best path forward—everyone has their deal-breakers, and sometimes leaving is necessary. But for the majority of us, it’s essential to anticipate, accept, and navigate the rough patches. And when I say “rough,” I mean everything from minor annoyances (like your partner’s ear-splitting snoring) to significant, life-altering issues. Every marriage will encounter both.
Love is truly a conscious choice, but that can be complicated. Initially, falling in love feels effortless. It’s like a beautiful song that plays on repeat. But sustaining that love over the years requires effort. Love isn’t merely something that envelops you like a cozy blanket and stays there indefinitely. Life intervenes, and the stresses that come with marriage can sometimes make that initial thrill feel like a distant memory. Sometimes, it can feel irretrievably lost.
Yet, those are precisely the moments when we must choose to love. During those weeks or months when we feel miles apart from where we began—when the spark seems extinguished—we must dig in our heels. We must recognize that conflict isn’t just normal; it’s beneficial if approached correctly. Properly tending to a wound—regardless of how serious it may be—can result in stronger healing. Neglecting it, on the other hand, allows infection to spread, causing more harm. Yes, addressing issues can sometimes hurt more than the problems themselves, but like any wound, that discomfort is often necessary for true healing.
We chose our life partners for a reason, and we continue to choose to love them through the hard times by keeping that reason at the forefront of our minds. It’s perfectly acceptable to feel lost; couples experience that. It’s natural to have doubts when things go awry. We often feel safest revealing our true selves to our partners—exposing vulnerabilities, fears, and shortcomings that we might never share with anyone else. The process isn’t always pretty, but that messiness is part of intimacy, and intimacy fortifies our bond.
Love is a choice, not a mere circumstance. Marriage is a series of experiences that continually reinforces that idea. It isn’t a never-ending fairy tale; rather, it’s a winding path filled with ups and downs, beautiful moments, and challenges that test our limits. And it’s through facing adversity that we come to truly appreciate the calmer times.
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In summary, love is an intentional decision we make every day. It thrives through effort, commitment, and a willingness to face challenges together, reminding us of the reasons we chose our partners in the first place.
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