Every time I come across a discussion about extended breastfeeding, especially beyond the six-month mark, I often see comments suggesting that at some point, nursing becomes “just for the mother.” This notion needs to be addressed, as it’s becoming increasingly frustrating.
Underlying these comments is the belief that there’s something inappropriate about a child nursing from their mother’s breast as they grow older, leading to the perception that mothers who continue this practice are somehow unusual or unstable. This sentiment isn’t limited to online critics; mothers frequently hear from pediatricians that their milk loses nutritional value after a year, or are told by family members that they’re stifling their children by continuing to nurse. Even partners sometimes express that breasts are intended for intimacy, not for nurturing.
I grew up in a family that supported breastfeeding, yet during my first experience as a mother, I encountered pressure to stop nighttime feedings before I was ready. I was made to feel that my commitment to breastfeeding was limiting my freedom. The criticism left me feeling silenced and ashamed for wanting to continue nursing.
There are countless obstacles that can hinder a mother’s decision to breastfeed as long as she desires, including short or unpaid maternity leave and a general lack of emotional and financial support. Women should have the autonomy to decide how long to breastfeed, whether it’s for three weeks or three years. Those who opt not to breastfeed or are unable to for various reasons deserve respect as well.
Shaming mothers who choose to breastfeed longer than societal norms only serves to strip away their ability to make empowered choices. Suggesting that nursing beyond a certain age is selfish or indicative of a problem is both misguided and demeaning to mothers and their children.
Most people acknowledge the benefits of breast milk for infants, and with a bit of data, many will accept its advantages for toddlers too. However, breastfeeding also offers significant benefits to mothers. It provides physical and emotional rewards, regardless of how long they choose to continue.
Breastfeeding has numerous lifelong health benefits for mothers, including reduced risks of breast cancer, diabetes, heart disease, and rheumatoid arthritis. For many mothers, nursing fosters a natural bond with their babies and toddlers, boosting their confidence in their bodies and instincts. It’s a time when many women learn to appreciate their own bodies.
So why do some perceive extended breastfeeding as selfish or misguided? One common misconception is that long-term nursing keeps children in a state of dependency, as if mothers are preventing them from growing up for their own gratification. Yes, there are cases of mothers with psychological issues, but those exist across various feeding methods. It’s essential to understand that no mother can force a child to nurse if they don’t want to. Toddlers are inherently exploratory, and returning to the breast provides them with reassurance and security, encouraging their adventures rather than stifling them.
Another misconception is that breastfeeding equates to sexual gratification for mothers. While breastfeeding can indeed be pleasurable, it’s important to distinguish that this pleasure is not sexual in nature. Instead, it’s a warm and joyful connection that arises during nursing, largely facilitated by oxytocin, often referred to as the “love hormone.”
Breasts can fulfill multiple roles, nurturing both babies and serving as a source of intimacy. It’s a complex relationship that society often struggles to understand. The discomfort around this duality can lead to shame and confusion about the natural act of breastfeeding.
As a lactation consultant, I often hear from mothers who are feeling pressured to wean due to external influences from family, friends, or medical professionals. However, the mothers’ instincts often guide them differently. It’s crucial for mothers to feel empowered to make their own decisions about when to stop nursing, without the burden of judgment.
This issue transcends individual choice; it’s about women’s rights and empowerment. Women deserve the support to nurture their children on their terms, without fear of shame or criticism.
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In summary, it’s time to stop the shaming of mothers who choose to breastfeed for as long as they wish. Every mother deserves the right to make choices that align with her values and instincts, without facing judgment.
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