In my suburban New York neighborhood, where public breastfeeding wasn’t the norm, I was fortunate not to face any negativity during those early months. I simply took it for granted—until one summer afternoon when my son was six months old and we decided to grab lunch at a local Subway. With limited options available, we settled at a booth near the back. Naturally, my baby needed to nurse, so I lifted my shirt and began.
Suddenly, an employee approached and said, “Excuse me, ma’am, you can’t do that here.” I was taken aback. “What do you mean?” I asked, genuinely confused. She continued, “I nursed my babies too, but you need to go to the restroom if you want to continue. People are eating.” She motioned to the one other customer, who had his back turned to us. “That’s indecent exposure,” she insisted.
Usually confident in speaking up, I found myself speechless. I managed a weak retort about my legal right to breastfeed, but she dismissed my assertion, and I felt a rush of humiliation. Eventually, I decided to leave, just as many women do when they feel cornered.
That incident happened over eight years ago, and I can clearly recall the pain and shame I felt in that moment. Although I was fully clothed, her words made me feel exposed. Despite no one watching me, I felt as though the world was judging.
Even now, I feel embarrassed recounting this experience—not for what happened, but for my inability to stand up for myself. I wish I could say I confronted the employee with strength and grace. Instead, I wrote a letter to Subway, which led to an apology from the owner and assurances that employees would be educated on the rights of nursing mothers. I even received a coupon for free sandwiches.
However, even with that support from friends and family, I never regained the ease I once felt breastfeeding in public. I continued to nurse, but now I was hyper-aware of my surroundings, constantly monitoring how much skin was visible when my baby unlatched.
Shortly after that experience, I became a breastfeeding counselor and later a certified lactation consultant (IBCLC). I’ve witnessed firsthand how society sexualizes breasts, rendering breastfeeding an act that’s deemed inappropriate or indecent. While 49 out of 50 states have laws protecting a woman’s right to nurse publicly, enforcement of these laws is often lacking, which is a significant issue.
We need to take action and report incidents of harassment against breastfeeding mothers. Attending nurse-ins, supporting breastfeeding mothers with encouragement and information, and normalizing public breastfeeding are all critical steps. But despite all this talk of activism, I still feel that loss of innocence from that day at Subway.
Every day, women face similar harassment. Some choose to use covers, others pump milk or stop breastfeeding earlier than they would like due to the pressure they feel. As a lactation consultant, I never dictate whether a mother should nurse in public or whether she should use a cover. I understand how deeply personal feelings about bodies and exposure can be.
I wish I could assure mothers that nursing in public will be perfectly acceptable, but the reality is that many women face harassment. This issue transcends personal choice; it’s about dignity, human rights, and how we treat mothers and children. It’s unacceptable that in 2023, women still hesitate to breastfeed in public. This must change.
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In summary, public breastfeeding should not be a source of shame. It is a natural act that deserves respect and support from everyone around us.
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