It was just my 18-year-old daughter and I, lounging on the sofa and flipping through some mindless television, when I impulsively asked the question that had been nagging at me for months. With her imminent departure for college, I craved some reassurance about my parenting over the past 18 years. I knew the question was loaded, and given her penchant for sarcasm, I anticipated a less-than-straightforward response. But I asked anyway.
I took her hand, looked her in the eye, and blurted out, “Did you have a happy childhood?”
“What? Seriously, Mom? What kind of question is that?” A broad grin spread across her face.
“I just need to know,” I replied.
“Uh, don’t even think twice about it! Of course I had a happy childhood! It was amazing! This is such a dumb question. Why now, and why do you doubt yourself?” she said.
She was spot on. Why was I asking her this right now? The truth was, I believed she could finally provide an honest answer. After all, asking a toddler about your parenting skills is pointless, and your tween will likely just roll their eyes and storm off. But a young adult on the verge of independence? They’re finally capable of a straightforward response.
For the first time, I felt her sincerity, but I was taken aback that she didn’t recognize my insecurities. She had witnessed every meltdown and moment of doubt over the years. As the oldest, she had been the guinea pig in our parenting experiments, navigating untested waters while I juggled sleepless nights and anxious days. She had seen her father and me argue about everything from school decisions to family dynamics, and she knew the weight of my worries.
“Mom?” she said, “Did you hear my answer about my childhood? You did great, Mom.”
Instead of diving into my uncertainties or explaining why I had needed to ask that question, I simply soaked in her words. In that moment, I let go of the years of questioning myself and embraced the validation she offered. “You did good, Mom,” echoed in my mind, replacing the nagging doubts with a sense of accomplishment.
That day, when you finally feel appreciated and acknowledged as a parent? It will come, I assure you. But don’t wait for 18 years to feel it. While your kids may not always express their gratitude or recognition, look at the incredible individuals they are becoming. Trust in your journey as a parent, because you are doing better than you think.
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Summary
This heartfelt reflection captures a moment between a mother and her almost-adult daughter, where the mother seeks validation for her parenting efforts over the years. The daughter’s honest response reassures her mother that her efforts were worthwhile. It emphasizes the importance of recognizing one’s parenting success and encourages parents not to wait for acknowledgment.
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