Just the other day, while giving my son a bath, we found ourselves chatting about the classic animated film, Robin Hood. He mentioned he enjoyed it, aside from the ending where the characters share a kiss and get married.
“You know, you might want to get married one day…”
“I think I might marry a boy.”
“You absolutely can!”
“Boys can marry boys, and girls can marry girls.”
“That’s right. The most important thing is to marry someone you love.”
I’ll spare you the rest of the conversation before he expresses his ambition to marry his mother and a few of his friends from kindergarten. Children, in their innocent state, don’t harbor biases. They don’t view one group of people as superior to another. They aren’t inclined to keep others from doing things they enjoy. My son hasn’t commented on the same-sex couple in Finding Dory, nor has Elsa’s story sparked any negativity in him—other than a fleeting obsession with that one song that shall remain nameless.
As children mature, any prejudices they may develop are learned from us. They absorb our behaviors and beliefs, as well as the language we use and the subtle implications behind it. That’s why our choice of words is crucial.
The Problem with Tolerance
Today, I want to focus on the term “tolerance.” While it seems harmless, it carries an undercurrent of negativity. To tolerate implies a feeling of superiority. It suggests that you’re forcing yourself to endure something unpleasant or uncomfortable. When applied to the LGBT community, ethnic minorities, or any form of diversity, the word “tolerance” is tainted with negative connotations.
We shouldn’t be teaching our children to merely tolerate differences. The reality of diversity isn’t a burden that the majority must bear. Instead, we should encourage our children to accept and celebrate the unique qualities that make us all different.
Of course, using “tolerate” instead of “accept” isn’t outright hate speech—I’m not claiming that. However, its benign nature can make it even more detrimental. It disguises the negativity and reinforces condescension. It allows discrimination to persist under the guise of superficial inclusivity, providing a shield for those who might otherwise express hate. Not everyone who uses “tolerate” does so with malice, but the word gives those with ill intentions a way to mask their true feelings.
By tainting our so-called enlightened language, we risk poisoning essential conversations. Call it semantics or political correctness, but language matters. Words have power. When misused, they can harm not only discussions but entire communities. Our language must reflect inclusivity in our actions; otherwise, they’ll always be at odds, leading our children to receive mixed messages.
During my conversation with my son, I recognized his innocence and felt a strong urge to protect it. I wanted to reinforce that innocence, so I chose my words carefully during what could have easily turned from light-hearted to confusing. The words we use can impact our children for a lifetime, and I aim to be intentional and clear in my messages.
I am teaching my sons the importance of acceptance over tolerance. It’s not enough to simply be okay with those who are different; we must embrace the entirety of humanity for who they are, without any reservations—even, and especially, in the face of those who may not accept us.
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In summary, let’s strive to teach our children the importance of acceptance, not just tolerance. It’s essential to foster a genuine appreciation for diversity in all its forms.
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