A Real Mom’s Neighborhood Manifesto

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When my partner, Jake, and I first began our journey together, we found ourselves in a bustling city apartment, surrounded by strangers. We were well aware of the neighbor who consistently stole our parking spot and the one who had a penchant for drunken late-night buzzing, but aside from them, we kept to ourselves. Our friendships weren’t the kind you’d typically make in an apartment complex.

Eventually, we moved into a suburban home close to Jake’s new job. Navigating the world of homeownership was a challenge, and our neighbors got quite the show from our less-than-stellar landscaping endeavors. Despite their friendly admiration (or perhaps chuckles) at our attempts, we still lacked the camaraderie that would transform casual acquaintances into friends for Margarita Fridays or Game Nights.

Then came the kids. With their arrival, it felt like we were finally welcomed into an exclusive club filled with jewelry parties, book clubs, and cornhole tournaments. Playdates sprung up in the backyards, and we toasted our newfound friendships over margaritas every Friday evening.

However, beneath the seemingly perfect community veneer, there lurked subtle tensions. Discontent over social exclusions, gossip about a neighbor’s over-the-top garage addition, and lengthy discussions about properties sold below their asking price made me think that our neighborhood could benefit from some real guidelines—beyond the stiff bylaws of homeowner associations. What we needed were genuine rules for genuine neighborhoods. A manifesto, if you will.

Here are some ideas I’d love to see included in our neighborhood manifesto:

1. I vow to always keep a stash of popsicles in my freezer and won’t be offended when your child asks for one during the summer months. No fancy brands here—keeping it simple is the name of the game!
2. If your child is spotted riding without a helmet, I will call out, “Get back here and put that helmet on before you hurt yourself!”
3. I promise not to be offended if you decline an invitation to my jewelry or essential oils party. In fact, such money-making gatherings where neighbors feel pressured to buy stuff are strictly off-limits.
4. In case of a natural disaster, I will step up to help your family. This includes sending my husband to assist with snow shoveling while I bring over drinks to keep spirits high.
5. I will gladly collect your mail and newspapers while you’re away, and I won’t judge if I stumble upon overdue bills.
6. If I bring food to a gathering, it will be store-bought with the price tag intact. Chips will stay in their bags; dips will have removable lids, and desserts will prominently display the bakery’s name. Drinks will be served in red Solo cups.
7. I promise to always have coffee and wine on hand. If you’re having a rough day, I’ll offer you a cup or a glass, and I won’t raise an eyebrow if you choose the wine at 9 a.m.
8. When “Thriller” plays at any event, I will dance and unleash the iconic evil laugh. And I will unequivocally switch off any music from the 2000s onward in favor of classic ‘80s hits.
9. Bus stop duty will be taken care of by the parents who are running the least late. All kids will be safely collected and held until the tardy parents arrive.
10. If your dog does its business in someone’s yard, you must pick it up. Not doing so will lead to an automatic assignment of organizing the annual block party.
11. In the event of a death or family emergency, please bring food that isn’t lasagna. Booze is a much-appreciated alternative.
12. When a neighbor lists their house for sale, all others are welcome to check it out on Zillow and share their thoughts on the décor.
13. Neighborhood party games shall embrace Cards Against Humanity, beer pong, and even strip poker. Scrabble is absolutely banned from Saturday night festivities.
14. If you don’t get an invitation to a neighborhood gathering, assume the hostess either forgot or thought you’d just show up. Don’t sulk—feel free to drop in!
15. Treat others as you wish to be treated regarding your pool. Pools should be a community resource for those who lack one.

Living in a neighborhood doesn’t have to mirror the perfection of Stepford Wives or any idealized street. These rules are ones I could easily embrace. Toss in a monthly “Beer Money” fund and a block party featuring Jon Bon Jovi, and I’d never want to leave this vibrant community.

For further insights into creating a supportive community, check out our post on neighborhood dynamics. And if you’re interested in home insemination resources, Cryobaby provides reliable kits for at-home insemination. For more information on pregnancy and home insemination, Medline Plus is an excellent resource.

Summary:

Creating a neighborhood community can be fun and engaging with a few simple rules. From sharing popsicles to organizing block parties, these guidelines foster a sense of belonging and camaraderie. Embracing genuine connections can turn a neighborhood into a supportive and enjoyable place to live.