In the realm of parenting, it’s often said that I’m among the fortunate few. The privileges of my white, educated, middle-class background are glaringly apparent. Yet, as I sit down to share my thoughts, I feel compelled to express my frustrations about the glaring inadequacies of paid family leave in our country.
I consider myself fortunate because my employer is obligated to offer at least the basic unpaid Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) benefits. I’m grateful for the three weeks of paid leave they provide. Additionally, I had the option of extending my unpaid leave when my FMLA time expired due to unforeseen circumstances. Even though my job security was shaky during this period, I was lucky enough to work with colleagues who genuinely care about me.
I had meticulously planned everything, just as a privileged individual would. I ensured I had savings set aside and smartly timed my pregnancy with my son to minimize daycare expenses during my unpaid leave. I anticipated being out of work for the typical 12 weeks during our off-peak season.
Then, life threw me a curveball. My son, Ethan, arrived two months early after a two-week hospital stay. I wrapped up my maternity leave with him only home for a month. I count myself lucky because I had the flexibility to extend my unpaid leave, allowing me to avoid the stress of returning to work while he was still hospitalized. Sadly, many parents face the harrowing choice of balancing a premature baby in the NICU while trying to maintain their jobs. For those who are fortunate enough to have a few days of maternity leave, this often means they return to work just as their newborns come home.
So, what’s the issue here?
Despite my good fortune, I can’t ignore the fact that my year-end pay stub reveals a 20% decrease in my earnings compared to the previous year. Like many women, I returned from maternity leave with no sick or vacation time left. Sure, I’m grateful to have those benefits, but the reality is stark. I placed my vulnerable baby into the chaotic world of daycare while I navigated the challenges of his early birth and my own health issues.
You can probably predict what happened next. I had medical appointments for myself, and Ethan had his share too. He fell ill, and of course, we all caught it. Despite my best efforts to be responsible, my sick time dwindled rapidly.
Last week, Ethan was diagnosed with respiratory syncytial virus, followed by bronchiolitis. I spent a sleepless night at Duke, cradling him as he gasped for air, his tiny body struggling against the illness. With just six hours of sick time remaining, I now find myself completely depleted. Last week, I only earned pay for 28 hours. Yet, I remind myself: I’m fortunate.
I’m fortunate to have a job that allows me this time. I’m fortunate to still be employed. It could be far worse, as many parents are forced to choose between their jobs and staying with their sick children in the hospital. Others rush back to work after just a few days of maternity leave to ensure their families are fed. Some babies are missing out on necessary healthcare because their parents can’t take time off without risking their livelihood.
Caring for our children should be a fundamental expectation
Caring for our children—or partners or parents—shouldn’t be a matter of luck; it should be a fundamental expectation. I know some may argue that we shouldn’t have had children if we weren’t prepared for the consequences, that parenthood is a choice. I vehemently disagree with that perspective.
There is so much to unpack here that I can hardly scratch the surface. The intertwined issues of healthcare costs, daycare expenses, and the lack of paid parental leave create a society that ultimately fails the very children who will contribute to our future. It’s absurd that 12 weeks of unpaid leave is considered sufficient time to bond with a newborn, especially one who arrives early. We’re investing our tax dollars and emotional energy in a flawed system that impacts public health.
In summary
My baby arrived prematurely. I experienced a significant drop in income last year. I spent last week caring for him during a health crisis. I feel lucky to still have my job, but we need to rethink what it means to be “lucky.”
For those facing similar challenges, I recommend checking out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination. You can also find reputable options for at-home insemination kits at Make a Mom. And if you’d like to dive deeper into related topics, you might find this blog post interesting.
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