As an openly gay man in my early 50s, the desire to adopt has led me to face numerous curious looks and pointed inquiries, most notably, “Why?”
Why indeed?
This question has trailed me since I took my first parenting class last summer. Initially, I felt compelled to produce some elaborate justification for my aspirations. However, I’ve come to realize that my reason is beautifully simple: I want to love and be loved.
That’s it. Nothing more, nothing less.
I’m already a proud father to a son in his 20s who has just graduated from college. I’m familiar with the joys and challenges of parenthood and fully understand what I’m stepping into.
Last year, a friend of mine, Mike, announced that he and his wife were expecting their third child. The response was met with typical excitement and joy, yet no one asked him why he desired to expand his family. He already had two kids, and society didn’t question his decision to welcome another. He didn’t have to justify his motivations or face an avalanche of paperwork or intrusive personal inquiries from social workers.
And certainly, he didn’t encounter friends and acquaintances tilting their heads and raising their eyebrows in skepticism, questioning his motives.
So why do any of us choose to have children?
We are aware of the trials and tribulations of raising kids. It’s a daunting, time-consuming, and often expensive endeavor. What drives us?
Perhaps we wish to strengthen our communities, seek companionship, or find someone who will carry our memory forward. We might even hope for a little help as we age.
There seems to be an unspoken belief that gay men, lesbians, and others outside conventional norms shouldn’t aspire to parenthood—that we’re too engrossed in our “lifestyles” or that parenting is not meant for us. That LGBT adoption isn’t a legitimate path.
That’s far from the truth.
The reality is that LGBTQ+ individuals are complex beings, and our sexual orientation is just a small facet of who we are. We juggle careers, friendships, hobbies, and yes, many of us desire to be parents. We pay taxes, adhere to laws, and engage in our communities. We are siblings, sons, and daughters, and we contribute to society in meaningful ways.
If I needed to offer a compelling reason for my desire to adopt, I would share my personal experiences of feeling abandoned and alone. I know the pain of parental disappointment and the struggles of navigating life without support. I understand what it’s like to be ostracized for being different. These are challenges faced by children in foster care, and I feel prepared to help them overcome their obstacles and grow into strong, healthy adults.
As a child, I often daydreamed about someone coming to rescue me from my struggles—someone who would provide the love and stability I longed for. I know there are kids right now, possibly in Mississippi where I live, who share that same hope, waiting for someone to come into their lives.
If you need reasons, I’ve got them. But the simplest and most honest answer is this: I want to love and be loved, just like everyone else. I want to help with homework, attend games, comfort them when they’re hurt, and witness their growth.
I recognize the challenges ahead, especially in a state where recent legislation, such as SB 1523, allows for discrimination against gay individuals in adoption and foster care. My hopes may be slim, but Mississippi is also home to a significant number of gay couples raising children.
Regardless of the outcome, I can look in the mirror and know I tried.
For more on LGBTQ+ issues in adoption, you can check out this blog post. If you’re interested in at-home insemination kits, Make a Mom offers reputable options. Additionally, for those exploring fertility treatments, the March of Dimes is an excellent resource.
In summary, my journey toward adoption is driven by a simple yet profound desire—to love and be loved, to bring joy and stability to a child’s life, and to create a family that thrives on unconditional support and affection.
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