As a parent, I’ve been labeled everything from a stringent disciplinarian to someone who lets their children get away with too much. I’ve faced disapproving glares from onlookers when my kids throw tantrums in public, and I’ve given in to their demands at times, only to regret it later. I’ve even noticed people shifting away from our table at restaurants because my children and I were enjoying ourselves a little too much.
I allow them to indulge in soda during special occasions, only to be met with criticism from other parents. When my kids act out, I don’t hesitate to take away sugary treats, even if it means facing disapproving looks from other mothers at a birthday party. When my eldest son misbehaves, the first consequence is taking away his cell phone—a move that feels like a catastrophe for both of us.
This creates an ongoing dilemma for parents: how do we navigate the tricky waters of discipline? We often find ourselves saying “no” or “yes” based on the situation, but the rules seem to change daily. What worked yesterday might not be applicable today.
Those around me, whether friends or strangers, often have strong opinions about my parenting style. They believe they understand my circumstances, but they only see a snapshot of the reality. They don’t know the full story of my family’s dynamics or the events leading up to a decision. When someone gives me a disapproving look or suggests I’m too strict, they lack the context of my choices.
All parents are in search of that elusive balance, and even after 13 years, I still struggle to find it. We want our children to respect us and foster a relationship with them, yet we also don’t want to raise entitled kids. We aspire to be fair, but only we can gauge when to enforce stricter discipline. How many times have we felt we were too harsh or, conversely, not tough enough?
Achieving the right balance in discipline is one of the most challenging aspects of parenting. It often feels impossible to find common ground. Regardless of what we do, our children may always perceive us as unfair. I’ve come to accept this as a positive sign; after all, preparing them for the real world is more vital than being seen as a permissive parent.
When strangers witness my kids having meltdowns, they may assume I’m inept at handling them. But I believe that finding equilibrium in discipline is akin to navigating life’s ups and downs: some days we feel like nurturing caregivers, while other days we channel our inner disciplinarians.
Ultimately, I know how I want to parent, even if it looks different each day. I’m the one in charge—not my kids, not onlookers, and not family members. The opinions of others don’t matter as much to me if I believe my choices feel right. That is my sweet spot, and I don’t owe anyone an explanation for it.
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Summary:
Finding the right approach to discipline as a parent is a nuanced and challenging task. While opinions from others can be overwhelming, it’s crucial to trust your instincts and adapt your methods as needed. The goal is to foster a respectful relationship with your children while preparing them for the realities of life.
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