As a parent, I often find myself in situations where I want to intervene, to clarify or defend, but I hold back. Recently, I was nearby as my children interacted with a new classmate who asked about my daughter Lily’s noticeable skin condition. “She has a skin addition,” my son, Jake, declared, and I couldn’t help but stifle a smile at his innocent mix-up. In a sense, he was right—Lily’s body does produce an excess of skin!
“Yeah,” Lily added, embracing her brother’s words.
The little boy simply nodded and resumed playing, seemingly satisfied with that explanation. I could have elaborated, explaining how Lily was born this way, her need for moisturizing lotion, or that it is a part of her unique design by God. But I hesitated. Would stepping in communicate something else? Would it make the boy feel awkward for asking? Would my intervention draw unwanted attention to Lily? More importantly, would I be shielding her when she didn’t need protection?
As a mother, my greatest wish is to empower my children with autonomy, self-respect, and strength. I want them to enter the world with confidence, embracing their identities as beautifully unique individuals. When it comes to Lily, who navigates life with physical differences, I find myself stepping back more often—pushing her gently out of the nest rather than keeping her under my watchful wing.
I recognize that Lily will encounter various reactions to her skin condition, with or without my presence. I am learning to provide her with the tools she needs to respond herself, which may sometimes feel like I am advocating less for her. However, my goal is to encourage her to find her own voice, rather than imposing my feelings onto her experiences.
As her mom, my protective instincts often clash with the understanding that her perspective is entirely different from mine. I want Lily to face questions and reactions on her terms, fostering her confidence and resilience. The way she perceives stares or comments will differ from how I, as her mother, feel. Together, we can support one another through the many challenges and milestones of life, striving for a grace-filled existence that aligns with our understanding of God’s purpose.
Recently, Lily shared an experience from preschool that highlighted her growing self-assurance. A new boy had pointed at her and said, “Your face is red.” When I asked how she responded, she confidently replied, “I said, ‘yes.’” No shame, no embarrassment—just a simple acknowledgment of her reality.
Through moments like these, my hopes for Lily are coming to fruition. Each interaction that once made me anxious has transformed into an opportunity for her to take pride in who she is and how she chooses to engage with the world.
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In summary, empowering our children—especially those with physical differences—means allowing them to navigate their own paths with confidence and self-acceptance. As parents, we must learn to step back and let our kids shine in their own right.
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