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Hey Kid, It’s Time for Some Pants!
by Emily Johnson
Updated: May 31, 2016
Originally Published: May 31, 2016
Dear little one,
I adore you to the moon and back, beyond the stars, and more than words can ever convey… but we need to have a serious chat.
Let’s talk about pants. Yes, pants. Specifically, I want to discuss your pants.
Do you see these things right here?
Emily Johnson
That’s right—those are called pants. The thing about pants is that everyone wears them for a variety of reasons, including:
- Warmth
- Comfort
- Modesty
- Hygiene
- To keep everyone around you comfortable
- And yes, because it’s the law
You have an entire drawer packed with options to cover your little behind. Whether it’s long pants, shorts, jeans, or sweats, I honestly don’t mind what you choose to wear on your bottom half, as long as it’s something.
I’m not concerned about your outfit choices. I don’t care if your clothes match or if you’re wearing socks. Those are all negotiable. After more than seven years of parenting, I’ve learned to choose my battles wisely.
But here’s the deal: pants are non-negotiable.
I’ve let you stroll through the store dressed as a superhero. We’ve ventured out while you were wearing a princess costume. You’ve even worn mismatched shoes to the park. As your third parent, I understand that you’re trying to express your individuality and assert some control over your wardrobe. Trust me, I get it.
But you’ll need to find a way to do those things while wearing pants.
If I were to wander around in public without pants, I’d probably end up in serious trouble. You absolutely need to wear pants at Target, the library, Market Basket, and especially at the playground (trust me on this one—wood chips are not your friend!).
I’ve joked about calling you the New England Nudist, but the humor has worn off. For almost a year now, when I ask you to put on pants, it triggers a monumental tantrum. Every morning around 6:30 a.m., you roam around in your birthday suit, ignoring my pleas to get dressed, even when we have plans.
Eventually, I manage to get you to your room—closer to those pants—but then the meltdown begins. You scream and cry as if your pants were on fire. This can last anywhere from half an hour to three hours. Often, I find myself having to pin you down just to get those pants on your squirming little body.
This battle over pants is exhausting. I’d love to raise the white flag, but I can’t. Why? Because, as I mentioned, pants are non-negotiable.
Can we please have a discussion about something else? How about your shirt? Your shoes? Anything but the pants?
I love you dearly. But I love you even more when you’re wearing pants.
With love,
Your weary mom (who happens to enjoy pants, especially those cozy yoga ones)
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Summary:
The article humorously addresses the struggles of getting a young child to wear pants, emphasizing the importance of this clothing item for both social norms and comfort. The parent shares their love for their child while navigating the challenges of non-compliance and the need for creative solutions to encourage proper attire.
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