Recently, I received another snide comment regarding my parenting choices: “I guess chocolate milk pairs nicely with the donuts you send for her lunch.” Can you believe it? Who could possibly judge a mother for packing her first-grader a few powdered donuts? Unfortunately, this kind of condescension isn’t a rarity for me; I encounter it nearly every week. Other decisions I’ve been criticized for include screen time limits, extracurricular activities, and even what my kids wear. You might wonder why I continue to engage with this individual. After all, who needs that kind of negativity in their life?
The truth is, I cut him out of my personal life over two years ago after our divorce. However, I still have to wade through his emails since he shares 50% custody of our children. We even have a court-appointed parenting coach to help facilitate better communication, yet the criticisms remain relentless.
This is the harsh reality of co-parenting with a narcissist.
As parents, we’re inundated with conflicting messages about how to raise our children. From decisions about circumcision to navigating college applications, everyone seems to have an opinion. Thankfully, there are also messages encouraging us to trust our instincts and ignore the noise. But let’s be honest: show me a mother who doesn’t worry about potentially damaging her child, and I’ll show you a mythical creature. Parenting is riddled with doubts that can gnaw at your confidence.
Anyone with multiple children can attest that, despite similar upbringings, each child is as unique as a snowflake. While both are made of ice, one may melt gently on your tongue, and the other could dent your car. Altering your parenting approach requires practice, instincts, and an open mind. Unfortunately, criticism breeds self-doubt, which can undermine our choices.
Usually, this criticism manifests through sensational headlines and manufactured online drama. Sometimes it comes from an inconsiderate neighbor or a so-called friend. Often, we inflict self-doubt through our own negative thoughts. But the other parent, the one who shares the responsibility for our children’s upbringing, should ideally be our ally—our cheerleader. When the world is throwing negative feedback our way, the other parent should be there to lift us up, if only for the sake of raising happy, healthy children together. After all, we’re on the same team: Team Healthy Children.
However, this is far from the case when you are co-parenting with someone emotionally abusive or controlling. To them, even the swim goggles you purchase will always be the wrong choice. The winter coat won’t be warm enough, the movies will always be too mature, and yes, even chocolate milk will never pair well with donuts.
Yet, perhaps I should express some gratitude toward my ex-husband. Though he will never validate any of my decisions as a mother—who gave her all to nurture our children and sacrificed so much for their well-being—his harsh words have toughened me. They have made me indifferent to criticism from others regarding my parenting decisions.
If a stranger wants to glare at me for taking my 4-year-old to see a movie on a school night? Whatever. If a fellow parent makes a backhanded comment about my son’s spirited nature? Please. I have trained myself to brush off judgments from anyone else when it comes to my parenting, and I owe that resilience to my judgmental ex-husband. If I can learn to let his contempt slide off me like rain (and I’m still learning), then any other criticism is just background noise.
The one individual who should be on my side in raising our children is actively trying to undermine my efforts. Ironically, this has pushed me to be a better parent than I might have been otherwise. I have become adept at ignoring the constant stream of competitive parenting drama that floods my social media feeds and lingers in the corners of every school event.
I’ve also managed to silence that inner critic who likes to remind me of my imperfections, especially when I know I’m doing my utmost. Yes, I have grown stronger and more confident—because I have to be. I cannot afford to back down; I am the only one on my children’s team who genuinely cares about how this all unfolds.
For more insights on navigating parenting challenges, check out this related blog post on co-parenting strategies. And if you’re considering at-home insemination, you can find reputable kits at Make A Mom. For more comprehensive information on pregnancy and home insemination, visit this excellent resource on in vitro fertilization.
In summary, co-parenting with a critical ex can be incredibly challenging, but it can also fortify your resolve to parent effectively. By learning to disregard negativity, both from your ex and from external sources, you can focus on what truly matters: raising happy, healthy children.
Leave a Reply