As I anticipated the arrival of my first child, I found myself without a clear roadmap for the years to come. Honestly, my main focus was on surviving labor, which filled me with dread. I knew I’d be taking at least one semester off from my teaching position, but beyond that, my plans were vague at best.
Then he arrived: an awe-inspiring, lively, and utterly captivating little being. In those initial months, he nursed constantly, day and night, and settling him down for sleep was a challenge only I, my partner, or my breasts could manage. Reflecting on it now, I realize that he would have eventually accepted care from others, but as a new mom, the thought felt impossible.
Financially, returning to work didn’t add up either. Given my commute, salary, and the staggering cost of childcare where I lived, I would barely break even. So, I naturally gravitated towards the stay-at-home mom (SAHM) role, both out of necessity and a yearning in my heart.
Time flew, and after five years, I welcomed another child. I eventually found part-time work that fit around my husband’s schedule. Yet, I’ve been the one holding down the fort at home, managing everything from dawn until my husband returns in the evening. This often happens on insufficient sleep, disrupted by nursing sessions, sick children, or racing thoughts.
Let me be real: it can be incredibly tough. I cherish it and wouldn’t change a thing, but being a stay-at-home mom is demanding work (don’t let anyone convince you otherwise!). It pushes your limits, but it also reveals an inner strength you might not have realized you had. It’s a chance for your fiercest self to shine.
With my second child starting half-day preschool soon, I’m beginning to see a flicker of freedom ahead (and yes, the tears are already welling up). I remember starting out as a SAHM, completely clueless about how I’d manage each long day.
Advice for New Stay-at-Home Moms
So, to all the new moms embarking on this journey, here’s some friendly advice to help you navigate the wild and wonderful world of stay-at-home motherhood:
- Let it out. Venting is not only okay—it’s vital. Sharing your frustrations doesn’t mean you love your kids any less. Sometimes they can drain you to the point where you feel like pulling your hair out. That’s normal, and letting it out can be a relief.
- Seek support. This is something I’m still learning to embrace. If sickness hits both you and the baby, don’t hesitate to ask your partner for a day off. If your toddler is throwing a tantrum about wearing pants, it’s perfectly fine to ask a neighbor for help. Remember, it takes a village, so don’t be a martyr.
- Stop the comparisons. Even the SAHMs who seem to have it all together are struggling behind the scenes. We all wrestle with organization, patience, worry, and fatigue. Yoga pants with holes? Yep, we get it.
- Get out when you can. Engaging with other adults is essential. I know how daunting it can feel to leave the house with kids—no one is dressed, everyone’s hungry, and the laundry is out of control. But throw on a jacket over your pajamas, grab the kids, and take a stroll around the block. Talking to the mailman might just break the monotony.
- Toss the guilt aside. I spent years questioning my identity as a stay-at-home mom. Shouldn’t I be pursuing something more prestigious or using my degree? Guilt is pointless. You can always return to your career later. Parenthood can enrich your professional life in unexpected ways. And think about it: if you had to hire someone to do all you do, it would cost a fortune.
- Prioritize yourself. This is another area where I’m still striving for improvement. I know it seems impossible to carve out time for yourself while managing little ones. But you must. If you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t be able to care for anyone else. A 15-minute bath, or even enjoying your dinner in peace, can make a world of difference.
Being the primary caregiver for young children can be exhausting, isolating, and at times, downright dull. But amid the chaos, there are magical moments that make it all worthwhile. I know that no matter how challenging it gets, I’ll look back on these days with fondness and a wish to relive them.
To all the newly minted SAHMs: Yes, it’s hard, and it’s meant to be. But you are doing it. You’re creating lasting memories, and even if you don’t see it yet, you’re doing an amazing job. So, give yourself some grace and take pride in the incredible work you’re doing.
For more insights on navigating this journey, check out this other blog post here. And if you’re considering at-home insemination options, Make a Mom offers reputable products that can help. For additional resources, Kindbody is a fantastic source for all things related to pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
Becoming a stay-at-home mom can be a daunting yet rewarding experience. It’s essential to vent feelings, seek help, avoid comparisons, take breaks, and prioritize self-care. Embrace the challenges and cherish the beautiful moments of motherhood, knowing that you are doing an incredible job.
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