Dear little ones who mean the world to me,
We need to have a heart-to-heart. I believed we were a close-knit crew, a lively band navigating this life together, but it seems we might have lost our way a bit.
Listen, I know I’m not perfect, and I certainly don’t have everything under control all the time, but do you really have to share my less-than-stellar moments with everyone? There are enough critics out there ready to judge, and I could use a little support from my own family. I mean, I did bring you into this world, pay the bills, and ensure you’re fed (mostly). I thought you understood where your bread is buttered. Yet, you continue to call me out for things that are often just misunderstandings (mostly). But regardless of the truth of your stories, could you please consider keeping them to yourselves?
For instance, when you get off the bus and I’m not immediately there, could you perhaps walk towards our house, where you will eventually see me rushing over, instead of flinging yourself onto the neighbor’s lawn in a dramatic act of abandonment?
And do we really need to mention every little detail to our friends? Like how I “forgot” picture day and sent you in a ratty T-shirt with messy hair? For the record, I didn’t forget. I just can’t justify spending a fortune on photos of you in a tangled mess when we just had a lovely family photo shoot outdoors. And let’s not even talk about the school book fair. If you wanted to buy something worthwhile, we could chat. But a yearbook filled with Disney teen stars? Sorry, not happening.
Thanks for that delightful Mother’s Day card your teacher filled out for you, listing “Mommy’s favorite thing to do” as sleeping. How about mentioning that I haven’t had a full night’s sleep in over seven years, thanks to little people like you who have made-up nightmares and phantom pains? Maybe next time, you could add things like bike riding, cake baking, or all the fun activities we do together when I’d rather be catching some Zs!
Let’s also keep the frequency of our fast food runs on the down-low, okay? I’m pretty sure showing your friends your extensive Happy Meal toy collection doesn’t need to be broadcasted as it reveals just how often we indulge in drive-thru meals.
For future art projects, please refrain from suggesting that the preschool use “all Mommy’s empty boxes of wine.” First off, Daddy had some too, and secondly, I was planning an art project of my own—a cozy fort made out of those boxes, just for me!
And can we tone down the dramatics? Telling your teacher you can’t raise your arm due to a terrible sunburn from my “negligent” sunscreen application is a bit much. Seriously, you were outside for half an hour! And when I pulled over to switch you and your brother’s seats so he wouldn’t get sick, I didn’t mean to be “trying to kill you.” Clearly, I’m a monster.
I’m not claiming to be the perfect mother. I mess up. I forget things. That slack Tooth Fairy who didn’t leave you a dollar last night? Yeah, my bad. But you’re alive, healthy, and generally well-adjusted—so I’d say that’s a win.
If you need to vent about these grievances, please just jot them down in your journal for your future therapist instead of sharing them with the whole neighborhood. And maybe make me a copy so I can read them back to you in twenty years when your kid tells Grandma about how they had to buy ice cream from the cafeteria because you “never give them enough lunch.”
With all my love,
Mom
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In summary, while parenting can be challenging and messy, let’s try to keep our family matters within the family. After all, we’re all in this together!
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