One of the most difficult parts of raising my son was coming to terms with his status as an unmotivated student. Although my partner and I aimed not to let his grades shape our perception of him—especially during his high school years—his academic performance did influence how we viewed ourselves as parents. We often wrestled with self-doubt, questioning our parenting choices. What had we overlooked? Where did we go wrong in motivating him?
In reality, we discovered that the core issue wasn’t about our parenting methods. It was never our responsibility to ignite that inner drive within him.
In today’s competitive educational landscape—filled with AP courses, honor roll accolades, and the pressure to achieve perfect GPAs—many parents perceive a child with average grades as a significant concern, sometimes even feeling embarrassed. For some elite colleges, a “C” student may seem equivalent to a high school dropout. Unfortunately, some high school counselors, overwhelmed with their caseloads, and private admissions consultants, focused on their track records, often dismiss average students as destined for community colleges.
However, a child’s average grades in high school do not determine their potential for success in college. My son graduated with a GPA just under 3.0, and various factors contributed to his performance, including a mild learning disability (ADHD) and a notable lack of motivation. We tried everything conceivable to spark his interest in academics—from hiring tutors to seeking out the most inspiring teachers at his school. Yet, despite a passionate PhD English teacher who captivated our older daughter, my son remained disinterested, even as I listened in on their sessions. As a dedicated reader with an English degree, it was disheartening to see him struggle to connect with literature. How would he navigate college without the skills necessary to interpret complex texts?
Interestingly, my son excelled in sports. His ability to recall baseball and football statistics was remarkable, and he could analyze plays with the precision of a mathematician tackling calculus. We often wondered how this passion could translate into academic success. However, we recognized the invaluable life lessons he gleaned from participating in high school football—commitment, discipline, respect, and teamwork—traits we felt would serve him well in life.
The notion that only the top 50 universities can provide a path to success is not only false, but it also overlooks the reality for 95% of high school students who may lack the grades or financial means to attend these prestigious institutions. There are numerous quality schools willing to embrace average students, providing the experiences and education that truly matter. Fortunately, my son was accepted into one of those universities.
Parents of average students might benefit from adopting a different approach than we did—resisting the urge to constantly push their children toward higher academic performance. Many teenagers don’t reach a level of maturity to find their motivation until after high school. For us, the arguments and stress surrounding his academic performance were often counterproductive and created unnecessary tension.
In my son’s case, it wasn’t until he entered college and discovered a genuine interest—American History—that he began to achieve the grades we always knew he was capable of. He graduated in the spring of 2014 after four years, completing a senior thesis on the history of the Mexican baseball league and its influence on the sport in the United States, earning a solid B+. He now holds two jobs—one in management for a college football team and another in public affairs for a prominent energy company. His success unfolded independently of his average high school performance, which is what I find most rewarding. After all, it’s unlikely a potential employer will ever inquire about his GPA from high school. There’s so much more to him than that.
(Note: This post was shared with my son’s approval and encouragement.) For more insights, check out this related post on our blog.
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Summary
Parenting an average student can be challenging, but it’s important to recognize that a child’s grades don’t determine their future success. Fostering independence and allowing them to find their passion can lead to unexpected achievements.
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