I grew up during the ’80s and early ’90s when life was quite different from today. With no cell phones or tracking devices, my parents often had no idea where I was. The term “helicopter parenting” was non-existent, and it wasn’t unusual for shopkeepers, other parents, or even strangers to step in and tell us kids to straighten up when we were acting out. They never felt the need to apologize to my parents either. For the most part, we listened. I truly believe this kind of community oversight helped us make better choices—well, some of us anyway.
A few years back, I was at the park when a woman approached me, apologizing for having to discipline my son. He had been pushing her daughter, and she felt horrible for stepping in. “You were focused on your daughter when she fell and was crying by the swings,” she explained. I thanked her and assured her that she was actually doing me a favor. The real apology needed to come from my son, and thankfully, he did feel remorse. Had this kind stranger simply picked up her daughter and left, my son would’ve never realized his behavior was wrong. Instead, he might have thought, “Hey, nobody’s stopping me! I can keep this up!”
Most parents would probably agree that if they’re right there and someone else tries to discipline their child, it can lead to tension. While we don’t want to overstep as parents, there are certainly times when it’s appropriate to speak up—and it can be done respectfully without yelling at a child.
If I see a kid—regardless of age—doing something dangerous or disrespectful, I will say something. I hope for the same response from other adults. So, if my child is being rude or disrespectful to you, don’t hesitate to call him out on it. If he’s being unkind to your child, please feel free to make him apologize. And if he’s being a nuisance on your property, you have every right to tell him to stop.
The phrase “it takes a village to raise a child” resonates deeply with me. As children grow, they often need more than just their immediate family to help guide them. When kids know that other adults are watching, it encourages them to be more mindful of their actions. I know I certainly was. Different people can impart valuable lessons, and I’m more than happy for my kids to learn from them. It’s essential for them to grow up understanding respect for others and the consequences of their actions. How can that happen if no one speaks up for fear of offending the parents?
No matter how well-behaved your child is, there will come a time when they test their limits—sometimes when you’re not around. If you’re lucky, another adult will step in, and if you’re really fortunate, that adult will call your child on their behavior. Of course, just because a child makes a mistake doesn’t mean they are a bad kid; even good kids can slip up. But those moments of embarrassment can be crucial for learning and growth.
So, if I see a child about to make a poor decision, I won’t hesitate to intervene. If they’re hurting someone or themselves, I’ll speak up. However, if it’s simply a matter of personal preference, I’ll respect their autonomy and keep my opinions to myself, as I don’t want to come off as overbearing. Fortunately, during my own childhood, there were adults who cared enough to correct me when I strayed off course.
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Summary
Encouraging community involvement in addressing children’s misbehavior is key to their growth and understanding of respect. It’s important to allow other adults to speak up when necessary, teaching children the consequences of their actions while fostering a sense of accountability. It truly takes a village to raise kids, and together, we can guide them toward making better choices.
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