As I lay in the ICU, recovering from a life-threatening ordeal, a nurse approached me from the NICU with a warm smile. “Are you planning to name your children?” she asked. My babies were just two days old, and until that moment, they had only been referred to as “Baby A,” “Baby B,” and “Baby C.” Arriving more than 17 weeks early, my husband and I hadn’t settled on any names. The reality of naming our “Baby A,” who had already passed away, was a challenge we never anticipated.
Many parents wait until they meet their little ones to choose the perfect name. It makes sense—names carry identity, something that will last a lifetime. However, that wasn’t our experience. My husband and I hardly discussed names, other than joking about the need for six: three first names and three middle names.
The truth is, we were terrified.
After a harrowing experience at 18 weeks, when we almost lost our triplets, we found ourselves holding our breath. Instead of preparing a nursery, we were counting down the days until our babies would be deemed viable by medical standards. That moment never arrived, as our children were born at 22 weeks and 6 days. Our doctors gave our triplets a chance, and miraculously, each one was born alive. Tragically, within two hours of her birth, our firstborn, Lily, passed away in our arms. Overwhelmed by grief and shock, naming our children felt like the last thing we could think about.
On the third day, we noticed that the NICU nurses had affectionately nicknamed our tiny fighters, all starting with the letter “H.” It finally dawned on us that we could no longer delay the inevitable. I had just met our children briefly on day three when I was wheeled to the NICU for the first time. Deep down, I knew it was time to give them names. Despite being tethered to a tangle of wires and IVs, my husband and I began brainstorming. I pulled up a list of names I had compiled over the years on my phone. Nathan and Olivia were my top picks, and thankfully, my husband was on board. That part was easy—Nathan and Olivia were still with us.
However, our angel, “Baby A,” lay several floors below in the hospital morgue. I admit I hesitated when it came to naming her. What if none of our children survived? What if I wasted a precious name? How could I name a child I had only gazed upon for a few hours, whose eyes were still fused shut? Reflecting back nearly three years later, I realize I underestimated the significance of a name. We had always thought Lily was a beautiful choice. Trusting our instincts, we decided to go with it, and I’m so grateful we did.
What I didn’t grasp back then was this: it’s not just about the name; it’s about the individual that it represents. A name is a part of one’s identity, but how you live with that name creates your legacy. When we finally chose names for our children, there was no particular system behind our decisions. They weren’t named after family members or for any symbolic significance; they were simply names that resonated with us. After Lily passed away, followed by Nathan two months later, I often wondered when I would hear their names again. Death, especially that of a child, makes some people uncomfortable. I never expected to hear their names except from close friends and family.
Looking back, I could never have predicted how the years would unfold. I hear the names of all three of my children every single day. Sometimes it’s me mentioning them; other times, it’s a friend or supporter bringing them up in conversation. But it’s the sound of my surviving triplet, Olivia, softly saying Lily and Nathan’s names that moves me most. My fears that my angels would be forgotten have disappeared. Lily and Nathan may have spent only a brief time on earth, but their legacy endures. My beloved daughter, Olivia, embodies all three of them—a remarkable young girl who is already making waves around the globe.
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In summary, the journey of naming our premature babies was fraught with emotion and uncertainty. Nevertheless, the names we chose became a testament to their existence and our love, reminding us that legacy transcends life itself.
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