Having been married for over 11 years, I can tell you that the advice I received about marriage was mostly filled with uplifting clichés. Sure, some tips revolved around intimacy or treating each other kindly, but few captured the quirky, sometimes dull, and even slightly disgusting reality of sharing your life with someone. Here’s a list of the things I wish I’d known before diving into marital bliss. Whether you’re newlyweds or navigating the complexities of a long-term relationship, this might offer some clarity.
- Most marital disputes center around laundry, finances, and cleaning duties.
- At some point between engagement and home ownership, couples start to relieve themselves with the door wide open.
- Loading the dishwasher can feel like an intelligence test.
- Real love is not about grand gestures but rather assisting your spouse with that annoying back pimple.
- After kids come along, sleep becomes a bargaining chip, traded for chores or intimacy.
- Husbands often keep images of feminine hygiene products on their phones to avoid buying the wrong item.
- Family schedules now include “Soccer,” “Aunt Flo,” and “Funkytown” for intimacy.
- Couples can bicker about directions while speeding down the highway. Apparently, this is acceptable.
- A husband’s flatulence can be so foul that it forces his wife outside—right before he makes a move for intimacy.
- Delivering toilet paper through the bathroom door is a testament to partnership.
- You’ll learn a lot about your partner’s cleanliness habits while doing laundry.
- There’s a silent competition over which parent the kids favor more.
- Just when you think you’ve hit the jackpot with your partner, they’ll do something absurd, like eat expired cottage cheese and then question a bad smell.
- A husband won’t grasp the importance of the toilet seat being down until his wife takes an unexpected plunge at 3 a.m.
- In today’s world, it’s ensuring your partner doesn’t appear heavy in social media photos.
- Couples share nearly everything—except toothbrushes.
- The setup for married intimacy begins with placing a towel on the bed.
- One spouse will be dieting while the other indulges in pizza.
- A significant number of divorces stem from disagreements over small blankets.
- Towels and sheets for guests are off-limits for family use; breaching this could lead to disaster.
- Assembling Ikea furniture should be accompanied by free marriage counseling.
- Envisioning your spouse 45 pounds heavier is part of the long-term commitment.
- Eventually, lingerie becomes a burden, and couples are content with being naked together.
- Trying to woo your wife might involve her sleeping in or a plate of brownies—or both.
- A large percentage of marriage is spent deciding dinner through text messages.
- Trust issues often arise over who devoured the last brownie.
- It’s not uncommon for partners to watch each other sleep, striking a balance between eerie and heartwarming.
This list isn’t exhaustive—there’s so much more to marriage. However, understanding these realities can prepare you for the delightful oddities of the journey. If you’re curious for more insights, check out one of our other blog posts for additional perspectives on relationships.
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Summary:
Marriage is a complex and quirky journey filled with its own unique challenges and realities. From laundry disputes to the oddities of sharing a bathroom, understanding these truths can help couples navigate their relationships with humor and grace.
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