Parenting Insights
Updated: March 19, 2021
Originally Published: May 7, 2016
The first time it happened, it was just after the holiday season. I decided to introduce my 9-month-old son, Max, to tofu during a family dinner at an Asian restaurant. Later that night, as he settled into his crib for a nap, I was jolted awake by his screams. Moments later, he was violently ill, resulting in severe dehydration. The pediatrician attributed it to a flu virus circulating at the time.
Fast forward six weeks, and I made the rookie mistake of offering tofu again. This time, we found ourselves in the emergency room, desperately seeking IV fluids. To my shock, my sweet half-Asian son was allergic to soy. The overwhelming guilt of having fed him something that triggered such a fierce reaction was unbearable. Watching him struggle through these health challenges at such a tender age was just the beginning of a long journey.
I’ve heard stories from other moms about how their children hardly got sick until they turned two, or that they only faced a single cold in their first year. Really? That was a far cry from our reality. While Max’s food allergy may have contributed to his frequent illnesses, it certainly wasn’t the only factor. The truth is, he has been inundated with germs since day one.
Now, I’m not one to play favorites, but I wouldn’t label him as a particularly messy or germy child. Sure, he might have touched a public restroom seat or perhaps tasted the shopping cart at Target, but isn’t that par for the course with toddlers?
As Max approached his second birthday, his health took a nosedive compared to his peers. Over six months—during which I was pregnant with our second child—he battled pneumonia, a UTI, hand, foot, and mouth disease, numerous colds, and at least two rounds of stomach flu. It felt like he was perpetually sprawled out on the floor or couch, glued to the TV, moaning about feeling awful.
I hated seeing him in such distress, especially after we had spent his first year and a half figuring out his allergies and discovering that soy was lurking in almost every packaged food. The guilt crept in, and I began to question everything. Was it the air pollution in our urban neighborhood? Had I been lax in washing his hands? Was his diet lacking? Should I be using essential oils or eliminate all grains from his meals?
Friends and family began commenting on how it seemed like my children (now with a second little bundle of joy added to the mix) were perpetually unwell. They suggested all sorts of remedies, from vitamins and supplements to better cleaning methods for shopping carts. Some even hinted that my home might be too sanitized. Really, that was the problem?
Desperate for answers, I scoured the internet for solutions. I purchased odd, overpriced “immunity” boosters at health food stores and forced my kids to try questionable remedies, hoping for a miracle. For a brief time, it felt like some of them worked, but inevitably, another cold or bout of illness would strike.
I turned to our pediatrician for advice. “What am I doing wrong? How can I help my son?” I pleaded during one of our many visits. His advice? Stop taking Max to places with other kids. Seriously? There had to be something more significant at play—not just typical germs. I was determined to uncover the root cause and restore my child’s health. Ultimately, the doctor reassured me that there was nothing inherently wrong with him; getting sick was simply part of growing up.
I finally confronted the nagging thought that I was a bad mom if I couldn’t shield my son from these relentless germs. It gnawed at me daily, as I watched other mothers and wondered how often their kids got sick and how frequently they sanitized their surroundings. I questioned my parenting until I reached a crucial realization.
I loved my son, provided him with nutritious meals, and ensured he ate his veggies. We played outside regularly and enjoyed social interactions. Sure, I could have limited screen time and reduced sugar a little, but he wasn’t drowning in either. The hard truth was that I was not the cause of his illnesses. The pediatrician was right—if I wanted to avoid germs altogether, I’d have to bubble-wrap our home.
It was time to let go of the guilt. If your little ones are also prone to illness, you should do the same. Take a deep breath, knowing that unless you’re feeding them toxic sludge from a nearby waste treatment plant, you’re likely not the reason behind their ailments. Kids are just prone to getting sick.
Could some of our children benefit from more sleep and less sugar? Absolutely. Could we be more vigilant with disinfectants? Perhaps. But most of us are doing our best, and if there were a guaranteed method to keep our kids healthy all the time, we’d all be using it.
So, the next time your child catches a cold or faces something more unpleasant, like a nasty stomach bug, resist the urge to blame yourself. Administer the necessary medications, crank up the humidifier, and provide comfort. Remember, nurturing your child in their time of need—vomit-stained pajamas and all—defines your worth as a mother, not whether they fell ill in the first place.
Next time germs invade our home, I’ll be better prepared. Instead of stressing about disinfecting every surface or concocting the perfect remedy, I’ll focus on appreciating my little germ factories and helping them recover, all while shedding the guilt.
I’ll cherish the moments we’ve spent together—reading stories, dancing to our favorite tunes, sharing kind words, enjoying bedtime snuggles, and giving goodnight kisses. Because these experiences remind me that just because my kids are sick, it doesn’t make me a bad mom, and it certainly doesn’t mean the same for you.
For more insights on parenting and health, check out this other blog post. And if you’re considering home insemination, make sure to visit Make a Mom for their reliable at-home insemination syringe kits. Also, don’t miss Progyny for excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary:
Experiencing frequent illnesses in children is common and does not reflect poor parenting. Guilt is often misplaced as kids naturally encounter germs. Embrace the journey of motherhood without self-blame, focusing on nurturing and comforting your children in their times of sickness.
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