As I navigate the chaos of motherhood, I can’t help but ponder the differences between my parenting style and that of my mother’s. While I grew up in a household where talking back was unheard of, my own children seem to have perfected the art of it. They voice their frustrations loudly, challenge my authority, and often require numerous reminders before they finally comply with simple requests. Can you imagine the bewilderment?
With Mother’s Day around the corner, I find myself reflecting on how my approach to parenting diverges significantly from my mother’s. There are moments when I feel completely overwhelmed by these young, opinionated beings living under my roof. I’m fairly certain my mother, who was quite the disciplinarian, would never have tolerated the level of behavior I endure. Does this mean I’m failing as a mother?
It’s essential to clarify that my kids aren’t the typical “problem” children. They’ve never been the ones throwing tantrums in public or causing a stir at school. In fact, they are often praised for their respectful demeanor and kindness. So what gives? Why do they act out at home?
After a particularly challenging episode of defiance from one (or more) of my four kids, my husband and I often find ourselves in deep conversation—perhaps over a couple of cold beers—trying to decipher how we ended up with children who express their discontent so freely. We reminisce about our own upbringing, where a single look could instill fear and ensure compliance. Back then, it was standard for children to follow orders without hesitation, the consequences of defiance looming large.
Today, however, my home is characterized by open dialogue and, at times, heated exchanges. While it can get loud and chaotic, no one hesitates to share their thoughts or opinions. This stands in stark contrast to the strict communication styles of my childhood. My kids are also far more open with me than I ever was with my mother. They discuss everything from awkward school trip moments to friends experimenting with substances, all while we share meals or car rides. It’s a level of transparency that would have left my mother in shock.
Moreover, my children frequently express their love for me in casual moments, something I didn’t experience until my college years. This reflection makes me feel a pang of regret, especially as I approach my third Mother’s Day without her. It’s a stark reminder of how different our emotional expressions were.
The world has changed dramatically since my mother was raising me. She had limited interactions with my friends’ parents and wasn’t involved in school functions or homework monitoring like I am today. I find myself juggling countless activities with my children, far exceeding anything my mother managed with me.
Yet, despite this modern approach, my kids still exhibit moments of selfishness, entitlement, and even the occasional curse word. So I can’t help but wonder: Who truly did a better job at mothering—my mother or I?
Despite her shortcomings, my mother’s fierce love was a constant in my life. I, too, love my children with the same intensity. Ultimately, we both strive to raise kind, intelligent, and capable individuals. So, in a way, we both succeed.
Wishing a Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers—successful, struggling, and those just trying to keep it together. We’ve got this!
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In summary, while our parenting styles differ, the love and commitment to raising good people remain the same.
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