Something incredible occurred recently. My partner, Alex, and I were cozied up together on the couch. He was browsing the internet (is that still a thing?) while I was engrossed in a novel. Our kids were bouncing around like little tornadoes, and suddenly, our youngest flopped down on a pillow and gasped, “I need water.”
At first, I barely registered his plea. I was too lost in the pages of my book, but then I noticed Alex rise from the couch and head toward the kitchen. It hit me: 1) my son needed water; and 2) Alex was the one stepping up to get it. I honestly didn’t know who I was more impressed with—Alex for being proactive or myself for not jumping up immediately.
I think I lean towards giving myself credit, but I recognize that I wouldn’t be here without Alex’s example. In the past, I often found myself irritated by him for playing his guitar while I handled all the household duties. I would wonder how he could enjoy his free time while I was busy chasing after our little ones. He would play chess on his phone as I searched frantically for a toy, and instead of feeling inspired, I felt bitter—like a child throwing a tantrum, shouting “Not fair!”
This led to many arguments where I would label him as selfish, while he would calmly point out, “You can’t be upset with me for having boundaries. You could also allow yourself some downtime, but instead, you’re running yourself into the ground. Just say no to the kids sometimes, relax, and let’s get takeout. Make things easier for yourself.”
He had a point, and I couldn’t deny it. It hasn’t been an overnight change, but I’ve started to embrace a more laid-back approach, thanks to Alex’s influence. Now, I can laugh out loud while reading, even if it means ignoring the chaos around me. The amazing part? My family appreciates me more for it, and I love them even more.
Alex has always been a fantastic father. Just today, he played a matching game with our kids and engaged in epic sword fights. He even let our toddler explore new “sources” of comfort. But what’s surprising is that he also prioritizes his own interests. It’s hard to believe I used to resent him for this. Instead of criticizing him, I began to learn from his example. I now embrace not only my time with the kids but also my own happiness. I used to wait for nap time to write, but now I’m sitting at a Little Tikes picnic table while my kids play nearby. A little benign neglect never hurt anyone, right?
When Alex returned from the kitchen, he asked, “Do you want some water?” I was taken aback. It’s become clear to me that sometimes, doing less leads to receiving more. I finally see the light.
I used to find Alex annoying—until I decided to follow his lead. Now, I’ve adopted some of his best habits. I even find myself taking a few extra minutes in the bathroom, pretending to need more time just to steal a moment of peace.
Alex isn’t selfish; he’s a brilliant inspiration.
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In summary, I’ve realized that my partner’s approach to life is not selfish but rather a lesson in balance. By allowing myself to enjoy some downtime, I’ve discovered that it enriches my family life and my own happiness.
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