As my daughter Emma approaches her college graduation in just a couple of weeks, I find myself reflecting on what this milestone means for both of us. What does it signify for her as she embarks on this new chapter, and how does it reshape my role as her mother?
When Emma was born with Down syndrome, it was hard to imagine her reaching such heights—attending college and now preparing to graduate. Recently, I heard about three new babies born with Down syndrome in our community, and my instinct was to reach out to their parents and say, “Congratulations! I know you might be feeling overwhelmed and uncertain right now. But trust me, you’ll discover incredible blessings in parenting these amazing children.”
Yet, I hesitated. I recall how challenging it was to let go of my preconceived notions and form new dreams for Emma. The truth is, we must continue to dream big for our children. We must hold high expectations because they can achieve so much. I want to assure these new parents that they will transform into fierce advocates for their child’s future.
As I ponder Emma’s future, I realize that we are still charting the course. She plans to return to university this fall, live with a friend, and take a job at a local café. My role is shifting too; it’s time for me to become more of an advisor rather than trying to micromanage her life or shield her from failure. Letting go brings an unexpected sense of freedom.
I remember the transition with my sons when they went off to college. Our relationship deepened as I learned to listen more and advise less. The physical distance created space for growth. With Emma, it’s a similar story but with its own nuances. While she still calls me multiple times a day, the fact that she’s four hours away has allowed both of us to evolve.
It’s easy to believe I can maintain control even from a distance, but that doesn’t foster freedom. Over the years, I’ve realized that my involvement in Emma’s college experience needs to be intentional. Parenting a child with an intellectual disability requires a delicate balance of being involved while gradually stepping back. Transitioning into this advisory role has taken time—nearly four years, in fact.
A conversation with a dear friend recently made me reflect deeply. She asked if I viewed Emma as my little girl or as the adult she has become. I was struck by this question because, if I’m honest, I often revert to seeing her as my child. Recognizing Emma as an adult means embracing a new dynamic in our relationship—one where she can live independently and make her own choices. That’s both a challenge and a blessing. Isn’t that what we aspire for all our children?
I’m grateful for friends who help me see the positive side of this transition when I need a fresh perspective. Our hearts remain intertwined with our children, no matter their age, but our roles inevitably evolve. As we transition from being hands-on parents to guiding advisors, I believe we also carry the sacred responsibility of praying for them. I often ask for wisdom—to know when to speak and when to remain silent—and to ensure my words are encouraging, not critical.
I have so much to share with new parents of children with Down syndrome. Their journey may differ from what they envisioned, but they will witness their child making an impact in ways they never imagined. They will experience a depth of love, joy in simple moments, and even heartache—all gifts of parenting. I truly believe that God can provide a new perspective that keeps us grounded and humble.
As our children grow, we transition through different roles, but our influence remains constant. When you feel like you’re losing your grip as a parent, remember that there’s no greater role than being a mother who prays fervently for her child. For further insights on parenting and related topics, you can check out this other blog post or explore reputable sources like Cleveland Clinic’s podcast on IVF and fertility preservation. If you’re considering at-home insemination options, Make a Mom offers excellent kits to assist you.
In summary, our journey as parents is filled with transitions that can be both daunting and rewarding. Embracing our children’s independence while supporting them from a distance strengthens our relationships and fosters their growth.
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