Dear Little One,
While I might have T-shirts that are older than your entire existence, in your brief three years of life, you’ve somehow managed to gather an impressive wealth of knowledge. Just ask you about anything, and you’ll readily provide an opinionated answer on subjects ranging from how to say certain words to predicting the weather. The concept of being mistaken? It simply doesn’t exist in your world. You’ve been endowed with infinite wisdom that you’ve been generous enough to share with those lucky enough to orbit your universe—your devoted parents. Your insights have taught me countless lessons, such as:
- “Dog” is really spelled “C-F-H,” and questioning this will lead to significant consequences.
- Toast is unacceptable in triangle form—unless, of course, you suddenly decide that triangles are the best.
- Dandelions are undeniably flowers, even if they’ve lost all their fluff.
- There’s no such thing as “too cold” for pants.
- You are definitely not a baby.
- Tying your shoes is as simple as tucking the laces inside. You’ve got this all by yourself!
- Running out of string cheese or yogurt tubes is an absolute catastrophe.
- My food will always taste better than whatever gourmet meal you have on your plate.
- It’s amusing to see what objects can fit down the toilet—except for poop, which is a surprise best saved for other locations.
- This is your side of the bed, and so is that side, along with both pillows and nearly all of the blanket.
- My hands and bag are perfect for holding discarded food and other treasures.
- Crackers are a legitimate food group.
- The concept of “sleeping in” is nonexistent—unless we need to leave early, in which case you are dead to the world, and I face the consequences of waking you up.
- Target aisles are the optimal location for tantrums.
- If you need something, it must be now—regardless of whether I’m in bed, on the toilet, or on a call.
- Walks are enjoyable for about two minutes before they morph into “carries.”
- Meals and drinks must be served in the exact dishes you requested, or else.
- Your preferences can change in an instant, and everyone around you is expected to adapt seamlessly.
- No height is too great to climb, especially if snacks are suspected to be within reach.
- You can survive solely on Goldfish crackers for days—until I buy them in bulk, at which point they suddenly become “yucky.”
- If a nap gets interrupted, it’s best to avoid direct eye contact for a while.
- The perfect time for a poop is right before we leave the house—after coats are zipped, shoes are tied, and keys are in hand.
- Your understanding of time is nonexistent; being late is irrelevant to you.
- Every scrape or bruise requires a Band-Aid—even if it’s not visible.
- You can sleep through almost anything, except when late-night snacks are opened or when your parents are busy.
- There’s no such thing as “we’ve watched this episode a million times, let’s switch it up.”
- From your little seat in the back, you know the directions to every place.
- Logic is not a strong suit of yours.
- Chicken nuggets must be in fun shapes—animals or dinosaurs only.
- In terms of fashion, anything goes, and capes, rain boots, and tutus are perfectly acceptable attire for outings.
Adorable as you may be, toddler, flexibility is not your forte. The sooner we all accept this reality, the better for everyone involved, as your wrath is something to avoid. Those chubby cheeks and tiny fingers may look angelic, but they can certainly mislead. Almost charmingly so.
For more insights and stories from the parenting trenches, feel free to check out our other blog post here. Also, if you’re looking for at-home insemination options, BabyMaker’s at-home insemination kit is a reputable choice. If you’re interested in learning more about pregnancy and home insemination, Healthline is an excellent resource.
In summary, toddlers may be challenging, but they’re equally delightful, reminding us that life is an unpredictable adventure.
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